I met my friend Ken on the first day of college and immediately hit it off. He liked the Verve and I liked the Verve. He liked drinking pints , I liked drinking pints . That’s enough really for two Irish lads. We were both looking for a place in Waterford where we went to college so we rented this shithole near the city centre. Perfect. The shithole happened to have a telephone line but we never received a bill. Quite handy.
So soon enough myself and Kenneth were inseparable and we did everything together. We loved when something bad happened to the other one. It was joyeus. I know it sounds a bit weird but Kenneth being miserable was music to my ears.
We had a lot of holidays over the years and played a lot of pranks on each other. The title picture was one of them. They were wearing those tshirts for around an hour walking all over town before I noticed. This was when they gave me my Tshirt. I had been working in Canaries and fell in love with a Canadian coffee called leche leche . I realised that they were putting condensed milk in this coffee and I put on around 10 kgs and lucky not to get diabetes!! So the lads jumped on my chubby plight and they even bought the Tshirt! Every year we would have a few bottles of champagne in the afternoon to celebrate beingbon holiday and this was after a few flutes! Below is them taking a photo of me by a passer by in Cyprus so they could send back home , the fuckers!!!
The first night of that holiday we were drinking shots of vodka but Ken was giving me shots of absinthe. Needless to see I didn’t make it out and Ken always claims that night was the best night he ever had. I was gutted 😂😂.I love the first night of the holidays and I felt like an outcast the next night not knowing anyone plus I had the fear all day from the “green fairy”.
I do like my revenge. 
So a few years passed and Ken was moving to Australia. He had put his Car up on a website to sell. He needed a quick sell and the price was a bargain. Ken was always brown before his holidays with us but he never admitted to getting sun beds. We knew he did because most of the year we would be frozen solid and this lad had a tan! So I decided to sell a sunbed online. I looked up a good one called the Doctor Kern Atlantic sunbed and undercut everyone and I mean everyone...... in Europe. Then I just put Ken’s number in the advertisment and paid the best bargain I ever put down for anything. I was about to go on holiday with my girlfriend. I was really getting out of dodge before things went down.
So a couple of days later while I was on a sun lounger in Turkey there was a group text ! :
“Who did it?
I will track you down.
The first two calls were funny but this is getting ridiculous.
Take it down.
Where is Blanche?
This has him written all over it! >I’m calling up ! You are dead”
My friend rang me laughing. He has to sell the car so he has to take every call. 😂😂😂. I was loving it. This couldn’t have gone better. There were guys ringing him from England , Scotland and Wales and he couldn’t ignore them. And I was thousands of miles away in the sun laughing like a Bond villain. All I needed was a cat but the cats in Turkey are a bit bare for my liking.
I thought back of all the laughs we had over the years. We used to jump into the sea the first day of every month. We done it for charity another time in -7 degrees with no clothes on in December.
Then we found a crab and put it in our friends letterbox
“Where is it?” A disgruntled friend asked.
“Where’s the crab?”
“Well they can only walk sideways so it’s either to the left or the right of the door!” 😂😂😂
Ken got married recently and his stag weekend was epic. Someone (not me) hired little Jimmy for a few hundred quid and Jimmy ended up handcuffed to him for the whole weekend. Kenneth’s answer was “he was a nice fella but I spent the whole night in the toilet because he has small little kidneys” 😂😂😂.
I don’t condone handcuffing dwarfs to people but little Jimmy put my mind at ease when he said he loves doing it and it’s a great earner for him while he is giving free pints and it’s a great way to meet girls ! Fair enough.
Ken still lives in Australia. Him and 9 guys from work bought a racehorse for 20k (2k each). They recently sold the horse for 950k. I was devastated! 😂😂 but I’m delighted really. He can finally afford a new sunbed.
