At last, I am home.
It’s good to be home,
home in the mountain range.
Yes.
Seldom is a discouraging word heard here, and although the skies do occasionally become cloudy, they are never cloudy all day. Because this is Colorado! We have 300 sunny days a year, according to 1) people who don’t live in Colorado or 2) people who live in Colorado and are lying to you. And there I go again. Rambling again. Like I always do. Why can't I ever seem to focus? What's wrong with me? Okay. Where was I. Oh yes, there are all kinds of deer and antelope around here, and they are always playing. That’s literally all they do. I have seen hundreds of these guys in the past few years right here in this here mountain range and they never, ever do any work at all. They just play.
Why did I have to be born a human?
I don't like humans. I don't like working. I just want to play. I’d rather be a deer or antelope so I could spend my days playing hide-and-seek with humans and their guns.
Speaking of guns. Why do humans always have to go and f—
No, not yet, you have to talk about the buffalo first.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the buffalo. Thanks.
You're welcome.
So! Buffalo.
There are not many buffalo in these parts, but the ones that I’ve observed are roaming, 100% of the time, no exceptions. Those buffalo just really love to roam.
There are no graceful white swans here, but there are plenty of graceful white mountain goats. Do mountain goats count?
Of course. Now do the part about guns.
Cool, I’m on it.
Unfortunately, there are lots of humans in this range!
Humans with guns!
Shooting the hell out of signs for no reason!
Why would you humans do that? How am I supposed to know where I am if you shoot the hell out of a sign like that? There goes the only point of reference I have to make sure I don't get hopelessly lost. Not too bright, humans, not too bright. Not like the heavens around these parts, which are in fact bright, with the light of the glittering stars. Question: Do you often at night stand there amazed and, as you gaze, ask yourself if the glory of the glittering stars exceeds that of ours? I do. And my conclusion is that yes,
the glory of the glittering stars definitely exceeds that of ours.
By a long shot.
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Hi! Hello! Happy Monday! Today, all signs point in the direction of me being in a place where even the worst of puns are fair game. They'll shoot this joke down long before it ever gets a chance to land. My sense of humor couldn't hit the broadside of a barn. I'm way off target with this one. Boy howdy, ain't my pun gun just a-blazin' away today!
Hello from the high Rockies of Colorado. My name is Brandt, pleased to meet you. I’m a marketing copywriter. I live in a little ghost town called Leadville. If you like mountains, snow, terrible jokes, running, hiking, breathing, the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement, etc., then you and I have a lot in common. Thanks for stopping by, and have a lovely day!