Hello and welcome to my very first blog. Not to long ago i found myself at the age of 37, needing to use a laxative for the first time in my life. It had been over 5 days since my last sit, and I was getting worried. I didn't want to be standing in the drug store, staring at poop aid and have somebody recognize me.
So I did what anybody would do, I went online to read the reviews. The first couple weren't trying to be funny and were what you would expect from a normal product review, but then I started to find reviews like this:
★★★★★
5 out of 5 stars.
Party in a bottle
This stuff works. After a weekend of travel and eating McDonald's and Wendy's for my meals, I was in a bad way. Once home, and after an hour of Googling constipation remedies, I bought a bottle of this magical elixir from the local Walgreen's. I drank it down, waited a few hours for it to do its thing, and BAM!, problem solved. Word to the wise: STAY HOME. Make no plans, hide the children, and put the dog outside.
Apparently this is where some aspiring comedy writers go to practice. Not bad, but it got better:
★★★★★
5 out of 5 stars.
Baby wipes
After drinking this liquid, my once sturdy toilet was rocked off its foundation. The amount of action it received in a 12 hour period was record breaking. Don't forget to have baby wipes & a good supply of soft toilet paper.
Also, I wouldn't recommend drinking this stuff then coffee then eating a greasy hamburger but man that burger sure was good.
Don't go in public while this is running it's way through your body. The noises you will make sitting on a public toilet will probably have others calling the cops because they think a murder is taking place in the stall next to them.
I found myself laughing out loud for real and this went on for a while. I never knew reviews could be so entertaining. One guy even claimed that he would take a spoon full of corn as a "Tracer Round" beforehand. Sorry I couldn't find that one. Here's one more:
★★★★★
5 out of 5 stars
Explosion
Upon drinking this, I had a 30 minute lull where I said to myself 'will this work?'
Then it did. I ran to the toilet faster than Usain Bolt & what happened was something that could be considered for the Guinness Book of world records.
Fast forward to 6 hours later when I thought I didn't have anything left in me & once again, I again found myself sprinting to the bathroom. The noises that came from my bathroom that day were disturbing but this product did what it said it would do.
So, if you ever need a quick laugh, just go to any drugstore website and check out the laxative reviews. By the way, these are all from a product called Magnesium Citrate (FYI it worked). Has anybody else found any funny product reviews out there? Leave a comment and thanks for reading .