These are a collection of funny Filipino jokes I have translated into English.
Still Crazy
One day, the doctor visited his 3 mentally-ill patients in the mental institution...
DOCTOR: Wow, you all are improving!
PATIENT 1: I am reading a book, Doc!
PATIENT 2: I am writing a poem, Doc!
PATIENT 3: (Sitting on the table) I am the light on the table, Doc!
DOCTOR: (Bit disappointed) No, you are not a light! Get off the table, now!
PATIENTS 1 AND 2: Please don't turn off the light, Doc!
The Absent Pupil
One day, the teacher visited Johnny at his home. Johnny was surprised and ran to his grandpa.
JOHNNY: Grandpa, quick! Please hide!
GRANDPA: Why should I hide?
JOHNNY: I skipped class for 5 days! I told the teacher you died!
Crazy Thoughts
Meanwhile in a mental institution...
DOCTOR: Are you thinking about your family?
MENTAL PATIENT: Of course! They are still on my mind.
DOCTOR: (Excited that his patient is improving) Oh? Where's your family then?
MENTAL PATIENT: Hello??? They are still on my mind, you idiot!
War Heroes
Three drunk friends were discussing their grandfathers' World War 2 exploits during a night of heavy drinking.
PETER: My gramps killed over a hundred enemy soldiers during the war before he was killed!
MAX: That's nothing! My grandpa killed 500 enemy soldiers before he took the bullet!
JOHN: My grandfather was the best! He only killed only two enemy soldiers but they were your grandfathers!
Resemblance
JOHN: Whenever I bring every one of my girlfriends home to meet my family, my mom doesn't like them.
PETER: Easy fix! You bring home a girl that resembles your mom.
JOHN: I tried! But my father hates those kind of girls!
With the Beauties
JOHN: Last night, I dreamed that I was with the 85 contestants of the Miss Universe Pageant!
PETER: Wow, buddy, you hit the jackpot!
JOHN: Yes, I won that contest!
Sources: http://www.pinoyfailblog.com/2013/10/100-best-pinoy-jokes-of-all-time-11-20.html http://www.jokespinoy.com
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