This is another collection of funny Filipino jokes I have translated into English.
Secret Bulge
Peter and John were at a beach resort. John was amazed at the fact that all the bikini girls were attracted to and always gathering around Peter.
JOHN: What in the world is your secret that the girls are always around you?
PETER: Easy! Just put a big potato inside your swimming trunks.
John did that but later angrily complained to John...
JOHN: You lied to me! All the girls looked at me with horror and ran away in disgust when I go near them!
PETER: I meant that you put that damn potato inside the front of your swimming trunks. Not the backside, you idiot! You looked like you pooped a big one!
Forbidden
MOTHER: I forbid you from seeing that young man! Nothing good will ever happen between you and him!
DAUGHTER: Oh yeah? How come something very good happened between us last night?
Test Scores
JOHNNY: Mom, I was the only one who got a series of 90s during tests!
MOM: Wow, that's my smart boy! How much did your classmates get?
JOHNNY: All of them got 100%!
Doc's Permission
JOHN: Hello, Doc! I was your patient LAST YEAR!
DOC: Oh, right, I forgot! Is there a problem?
JOHN: : I would like to ask you if it is now okay to take a bath!
Liquor effect
BARTENDER: Sir, Each time you gulp a full glass of whiskey, you look at your wife's picture. Why?
JOHN: I have to check if I can still drink some more. If she looks pretty, then that mean's I'm already drunk!
Hot Phone
PETER: Good heavens! What happened to your ears?
JOHN: I was preparing to iron my clothes when the phone nearby rang. I picked up the clothes iron by mistake and got burnt!
PETER: Why both ears?
JOHN: The phone rang again!
Disturbed
PETER: Hey, buddy, I noticed you always keep talking to yourself! Are you okay?
JOHN: Of course, I am okay. I am not RESPONDING TO OR ANSWERING THEM!
Our Problem
HUSBAND: I've got a big problem!
WIFE: Don't you dare ever say "I" or "ME" again!!! We are husband and wife for goodness' sake, so you better watch your mouth and use words like "WE", "OUR" or "US"! So, what is OUR problem this time???
HUSBAND: WE got the teen maid pregnant and WE are the father!
Sources: http://www.pinoyfailblog.com/2013/10/100-best-pinoy-jokes-of-all-time-11-20.html http://www.jokespinoy.com
Follow me as 
