Dumber than...As nervous as...what rural similies amuse you? FUNNY

Old timers in rural canada use these so much it hurts. Improve your old world charisma with some out east similies. I would like to hear if any of these are used in the united states or other english speaking countries!

WARNING SOME OF THESE ARE NOT PC!

1. She's as dumb as a sack of hammers

2. He's as dumb as dogshit

3. He's as sharp as a mud fence

4. He's as sharp as mayonaise

5. That store is closed up tighter than a bull's ass in fly season

6. Busier than a cross-eyed cranberry picker

7. Wearing too much makeup?
   Enough paint to paint a battleship, and enough powder to blow it up

8. As fucked up as a football bat. (drunk) (a personal favorite)

9. She can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch

10. Busier than a dog with two dicks

11. Beat my dick like it owes me money

12. Queerer than a three-dollar bill

13. Sweatin' like a whore in church

14. It's raining like a cow pissin' on a flat rock

15. Numb as pounded thumb

What other country cliche's amuse you? Or piss you off, for that matter?