...they don't go to Heaven where the angels fly.
I got to thinking about this, what happens to your sex toys once you've passed on? Now regardless of your personal opinion about the little blasters, indulge me for a second (for they sure will). Try to picture it. You're going to empty the home of your beloved Aunt Gracie, and out flops a giant black dildo from her closet. Or maybe it's a dildo that drives you crazy, 'cause you don't know where the fucking whirring is coming from. Or maybe it's nipple clamps. But no, let's keep it tame. Suppose you just come across one of the old oh come all ye faithfuls. What's your reaction?
I would imagine it provides a brief respite from all the grief. I mean, sure, you're all mopey that your loved one die, but sex toys, by their taboo nature, are inanely funny. You gotta laugh at the little things. Or, you know, the sizable things.
I'm sure people used to go through this all the time in the past. Someone would die, and you'd find a big stack of magazines underneath the bed. Reminds me of a podcast I love, where the two hosts reminisce about a pact they had along the lines of if I die, you come over and dispose of my porn before my parents get there.
Alas, I imagine not everyone got so lucky, so there must've been plenty of awkward moments for the survivors.
Now, though, with most porn being digital, that's less of an issue, though I'm sure there's more than a fair share of people out there who've chances upon the unwelcome nude selfie or one of those enchanting videos on the deceased person's laptop. See, that's why I think that should be a service funeral homes offer. They don't touch your stuff, but when they come for the body, they also do a quick sweep to remove any questionable material. Seems fair, no?
See, me, I think I'd just get sadder. For the deceased, since they won't be enjoying themselves ever again, but also for the products themselves. Think of it, no one's gonna use them. Maybe they were brand new. Maybe they were good at their job. Ever consider that? Of course not, you only think about the dead.
Alternatively, I'd feature them in the service, if discovered early enough. Imagine that, a vibrator propped up in a church pew, in a tiny black suit. After all, these things are made to "rival" sexual partner, and you'd invite them to a service, would you not?
I've also been thinking about the duties of the one dying. Obviously these don't work for sudden deaths, but you know, if you've got it coming, what do you do? Are you supposed to throw them out beforehand to spare your loved ones some misery? What if you estimate the due date wrong? Then you're left for another 3 months all by your lonesome. Seems a shame. So I guess it's up to the kids to dispose of them. Still, I can't help but think we could come up with a better system...what do you think?