So if you decide to start a blog out of no where, it would only seem natural that your first post should accomplish several things:
1.) Establish you unashamedly enjoy trash tv
2.) Capitalize on an already popular franchise
3.) Talk about an episode that is more than halfway through the season, but lets be real we've probably all seen it if you haven't get with the program and join the sad addictive cult that is #bachelornation.
Now let me get this straight, I am but a fresh little year old Bachelor fan. This season of Ari being my second viewing of the Bachelor. Ari is a great Bachelor, being that my only means of comparison is Nick Viall who I can only compare to a Spam Ham. If you have never seen or heard of a Spam Ham, or Nick Viall, count yourself blessed.
Alright so this weeks episode of the Bachelor was actually pretty damn good. We were given three one on ones, and one group date, only four roses, which meant that three of these seven ladies were going to be getting their long awaited contracts extended to BIP .... I mean get their hearts broken.
The first date was with Becca K. I'm writing this on Tuesday night, so honestly all I can remember about their date was that they kiss like a couple who already has two kids, and are exhausted all the time. I think they like walked around and bought quaint Italian shit. It was pretty dull, but Becca snagged the rose, so I guess next week we will get to meet her most likely dull generic family yaaaaayyyy.
The next and second most interesting thing that happened this episode was the parting of Jacqueline. While Jacqueline spent most of the season being of no note other than that she has a very tiny face with enormous eyes, like seriously you could fit three of her noses in Krystals (RIP jk no one cares) nose.... tiny nose. unsettling. Anyways I actually really enjoyed Jacqueline after her one on one last week, turns out she is pretty chill and kinda funny. But alas we simply can't have nice things, so Jacqueline decides to be an adult and not introduce her family to a wet sock. Go get that PHD lady.
This break up was particularly great because they kept visciously making out the entire walk to the limo. No eyelashes were shed as with Rachel, but it was pretty clear they wished they could slip out into the real world and just bang it out real quick.
The next date was with Lauren. It was boring. She is boring. Ari is an idiot.
So now with two one on ones down and two roses left for four girls the pressure is on.
The next date was with The next Bachelorette, I mean Seinne. Nothing like a passionate Italian family to really put the pressure on. I think it is pretty obvious that Seinne is way too good for Ari, and I think they both know it, but Seinne was way too hot and smart to not make it this far. Seinne does not get the rose, and promptly calls her producer to see what the next step in Bachelor stardom will be for her.
This means that only one woman will be going home for the three on one which includes Kendall, Bekah M, and Tia. I don't remember where this date was, just some pretty courtyard area with plenty of benches. Also while I'm on the topic, props to whoever is in charge of table decorating for making every dinner scene seem a little fancy. Anyways, to summarize this date, Tia trys to pull a last minute villain, and tells Ari she doesn't think that Bekah M. is ready for marriage. This is unnecessary and makes me kinda bummed out on Tia, but then I'm even more bummed by Bekah M's reaction. She goes and cries to her daddy (sorry I mean Ari) about it, and quite frankly it ain't cute. It's the first time this whole season where I have not been a fan of Bekah M. After talking to all the of the girls he says that he is only confident in his decision with one girl.
Kendall.
My heart stops. I rewind the DVR. I cry. I do five laps around the living room. I scream. I rejoice. I cry more. I remember to breath. In the strangest turn of events Ari uses his brain and keeps around the quirky funny weird but still crazy hot chick. I believe in love again. The world is not a shit hole. I get to see Kendall's taxidermy collection. next week will be glorious.
Ari decides to keep Raven Light .... I mean Tia, and passes up the opportunity to nail a perky breasted 22 year old before he marries a different contestant for a year and then gets a divorce. I can't believe he would pass up on that chance, but more than that, I can't believe that ABC would pass up on the opportunity to film a 22 year old bringing home a 36 year old man to her family when they think she's been kidnapped by the pot mafia. Whatever, lets go to dumb Arkansas where I'm sure Raven and Adam, aka BIPs most boring and disappointing couple, will probably make an appearance.
Next week is hometowns, and if it weren't for Kendall I would probably be totally over this season, but as it is I am pretty stoked for next weeks episode.