Greetings loyal followers.
I would like to thank all of you for the outpouring of admiration following 
Nonetheless, my executive assistant Vera, who should win an Ellie in the category of wonderfulness, suggested that I share another of your magazines in which I was featured.
I realize that you will all want to run out and buy this magazine so you can study it in its entirety, but I have decided to give you a little preview.
First of all, I would like to direct your attention to the fact that the writers and editors were in such awe of my presence that they forgot the grammatical rules of your language.
For example, the sentence "Train your vrain to cut body fact" seems to be missing some sort of punctuation. I am assuming a "vrain" is some sort of predatory creature with razor-like claws or teeth. I made this assumption based on the fact that a "vrain" can be trained to cut up bodies. I am assuming the author meant to emphasize this certainty by punctuating it with the colloquial expression "fact". What I believe the author meant to write was something like, "Train your vrain to cut bodies. Fact!"
The writer also seems to have mixed Italian with Basic. Although we do not have an equivalent in my galaxy, I am assuming "Muscile" rhymes with the Italian word "Fragile" (pronounced "Fra-g-lay"). For some reason, people tend to become flustered in my presence so these mistakes are understandable.
One of your earth scientists will need to explain what a "nut-r ion" is. We do not have those in my galaxy.
On to the preview.
Build Your Perfect Body
This one is easy.
- Step 1: Burn off your arms and legs in molten lava
- Step 2: Have said limbs replaced by high tech robotic parts
- Step 3: Be me
- Step 4: Perfect body
I must admit, steps 1 and 2 really sucked.
Get out of the gym
Sometimes I like to go outside to slice idiots in half with my lightsaber. It is fantastic exercise!
Other times I like to switch it up and just go for a nice ride.
Healthy snacks you'll actually like
This one is a bit redundant so I'll come back to this one.
Thomas Jane
Who cares?
K.O. Stress
By now, I assume you all know how I like to destress.
Force choking idiots!!!!!
4 delicious BBQ ideas (and healthy snacks)
I'll cut to the chase. All 4 involve some part of a delicious Ewok.
Hot convertibles for every budget
I test drove several but it was difficult to get the dead bugs off of my helmet.
Train your vrain to cut bodies. Fact!
Oh my Maker! I think I misinterpreted what a "vrain" is. Apparently, "vrain" is some sort of collection of independent contractors who can be trained to cut up bodies.
I have seen some strange things across the galaxies, but nothing like this.
New movies, new musicle
My translator was on the fritz again so I had no idea what "muscile" is. Perhaps it is some sort of pasta but I chose not to hazard a guess.
Images
Cover
Ali G
Toasty
Bike
Delicious
Bug Catcher
Vrain?!