Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It would take at least thousands, working in highly organized coordination, a task that would certainly be impossible for the common housefly, which has a relatively primitive nervous system.
A brunette, a blonde, and a red head went to a bar. They sat and drank beer.
Your momma’s so fat the surgery was unsuccessful.
Q: Why did the raccoon cross the road?
A: It didn’t, it got hit by a car.
Why is six afraid of seven?
It isn’t. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Your mother is so morbidly obese that she is at great risk for heart disease.
Man: “Waiter! What’s this fly doing in my soup?”
Waiter: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry sir, I’ll replace this with a fresh bowl of soup and I’ll have a word with the manager to see if we can deduct a sum from your bills for the inconvenience we have caused you.”
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
“Robin, get in the car!”
What did Robin reply?
“Okay!”
So, you’re going down the road in your canoe and your doors fall off. How many shingles does it take to refurnish a dog house? True or False?
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says “why is there a horse in my bar?”
Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing?
A: Because she had no arms.
A student was taking his chemistry exam and desperately needed to pass the final to earn his degree. Two hours into his exam, his cell phone, which he forgot to leave in his car, starts to ring in his pocket.
No one seemed to notice and he got an A+ on the final.
A black guy, a Mexican, a white guy, and an Asian guy are sitting on a bench in the park. They simply ignore each other due to culture differences.
Q:Whats green, has 4 legs and if it falls out of a tree can kill you??
A: A pool table.
Q: What do you call a black man with a PhD?
A: Doctor.
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
What did the cat say to the person?
Meow.
A Christian, a Jew, and a Muslim walk into a bar. They have a nice evening and all leave with a deeper appreciation for each other’s religions.
There were two Jewish women sitting on a park bench minding their own business.
What’s the hardest thing about watching a Twilight movie?
Telling your parents you’re gay.
Why did they bury the fireman on the hill?
Because he was dead.
What’s the one bad thing about going home for Christmas?
Your family hates you.
Q: Why didn’t Billy go to the party?
A: He wasn’t invited.
Knock, Knock!
Come in.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.