_{Good day to you, the reader of this.  My name is Mr. Himself and I'll be filling in for whoever called in sick today.}

So you want to be successful?

We All Want a Taste

^{Because it smells so damn good.}

When I was just a young cart pusher over at the local box store, I had dreams of someday becoming Lead Cart Pusher.

Not everyone has what it takes to be an LCP, but unfortunately, everyone thinks they do because the job looks so damn easy.

Sure, all you do is stand there and tell some spaced out kid with headphones glued onto his zits to grab these carts while letting that other dumbass high school dropout know he needs to go grab those carts and yeah sometimes you have to say, "I said a fifteen minute break one half hour ago!  Where the hell were you!  Go stop that bottle picker from stealing our bread and butter; now!"

"I don't care if he has a knife!"

^{"Do you value your job here at the store or not!"}

"You'll never be an LCP with that attitude!"

Whoa!  Sorry about that, students.  I guess I started to have flashbacks or something.

That job really messed me up and it doesn't help when those little voices start saying it was easy.

Where were we?

^{Why am I here today?  What is this class?}

How To Write an Organically Trending and Popular Post

Another fucking Steemit course?  Are you serious?

Alright

^{I got this.}

How to do whatever the fuck you came here to learn today:

1. Think of something to write about.
2. Write what you thought about.
3. Fix your fuck ups.
4. Press the post button.
5. Keep doing that every fucking day for two years or more.

Maybe you'll do good, maybe you won't.

Do you want me to teach you how to write, too?

Mr. Himself?

Yes?

I spent my rent money on this course.  Are you planning on teaching anything?

Oh!  You want to learn something, do you!

Well I'll have you know I took this job on short notice.  Those assholes called me up at three in goddamn morning, while I was drunk out my mind, listening to ACDC, and crying about how I got so damn old!

I woke up ten minutes ago and didn't even know what day it was!  This place is lucky I live in the basement!

If you want to learn something, we'll watch this film about Woodchucks.  Get out your notepads!

There!

^{Are you happy!  Feeling smart?}

Now you can leave here and talk about woodchucks all goddamn day!

You're welcome!

Class dismissed.

Credits:_{Youtube video linked to source. All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me. "Substitute teacher pay sucks so you better not forget to vote!"}

^{© 2018 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.}