Have you ever been sitting around having a beer with someone you don't really know from work when suddenly you realize the entire day has lost all meaning?
I have.
"But what's that supposed to mean?"
Allow me to explain.
Meany years ago, I knew a mean.
He was a kind mean. A gentlemean.
His name was Meanchester. Meanchester from Meanitoba, Canada.
He was almost a meanager once.
Meanchester didn't always have it so good though.
Everyone starts at the bottom of the Meandarin Orange Meanufacturing Plant. Even Meanfred, the owner's son.
Just getting your foot in the door takes a lot of meanliness.
After reading the meanuals and completing the meandatory Mind Meanipulation and Meaneuverability Tests, both Meanchester and the owner's son, Meanfred, were ready to climb the meandarin orange trees to shake branches at the same time.
That excited Meanchester.
Meanchester, Meanfred, and another mean, were all in direct competition for the next job with more benefits and higher pay.
When the third mean fell from the tree on his first day, it was down to two.
Meanfred was promoted to Guy Who Wraps the Oranges in Green Paper long before anyone else.
That infuriated Meanchester.
That's actually what caused Meanchester's first meanic episode. Not much changed for meany years after that.
Meany More Years Pass
Meanfred finally died!
Meanfred's death meant a vacant position in upper meanagement.
That excited Meanchester.
It was finally his big chance.
There were to be no meanhunts for Meanchester was next in line for the position. All he had to do was read the meanagerial meanuscripts.
There was one problem though.
Those meanuscripts were in the owner's meansion.
The owner was still grieving the loss of his only son, Meanfred. Meanchester knew the only way to get those meanagerial meanuscripts would be to sneak in the back door sometime during the middle of the night.
That worried Meanchester.
There was no time to be sitting around meanifesting bad vibrations though.
Meanchester first had a nap, then went to get a meanicure.
Meanchester wanted to practice looking the part before the big day. Then, it was time.
Meanchester Got to the Back Door.
He rang the doorbell out of habit.
The plan was ruined.
Now everyone was awake. The dog's were barking. Meanchester thought he was screwed.
The owner came barreling down the main meansion stairwell screaming about, what kind of meaniac rings a doorbell at this hour!
When the owner opened the door, Meanchester just stood there and stayed quiet while the owner also stood there, acting suspicious, saying nothing.
A few seconds later, a scantily clad Ameanda made an appearance and said, "Who's at the door, my sweet little meango?"
That infuriated Meanchester.
Ameanda was Meanchester's wife. She said she was going to her mother's place for the weekend.
Meanchester screamed, "I thought I was your sweet little meango!" He then proceeded to meanhandle the owner and finally finished the job with a meanhole cover.
That excited Meanchester.
Of course he made sure to retrieve the precious meanagerial meanuscripts after checking out a few of the meantelpieces. There was a carving of a meanatee and it really impressed Meanchester so he made sure to take that home as well. Meanchester learned from the Meanfred incident that it's always best to make these situations look like a robbery, just in case.
Ameanda's meaniacal hollering was setting off car alarms so Meanchester threw her down the meanhole and got the hell out of there.
Meanchester didn't even get three miles down the road before he ran into some car trouble.
It was the exhaust meanifold again. Two more miles down the road with a car that then sounded like a monster truck was enough to get pulled over by the Meanitoba highway patrol.
The police found the cocaine, then the blood, then the meanatee. Every mean, womean and child in town knew that meanatee belonged to the owner.
That was nearly the end of Meanchester.
People say Meanchester liked to keep to himself in prison. Spent most of his days working on his meanifesto and learning how to play the meandolin.
There was a short scuffle one day while the prisoners were out spreading meanure to help fertilize the new owner Ameanda's meandarin orange orchard.
Meanchester got shanked.
That was the official end of Meanchester.
Though some refuse to let it rest.
Rumor has it, Ameanda was behind the whole thing.
She knew Meanchester would be at the meansion that night. She even knew she'd get thrown down the meanhole so she made sure to put a few old couch cushions down there ahead of time.
Some say she provided the murder weapon that finally put Meanchester in the ground.
Meany think it's her who should be in prison.
That's meanslaughter, at least.
I shall now introduce you to Meanchester.
I hope that was meaningful enough for you.
Have a nice day!
