Are you having trouble deciding who to vote for today?
Fear not! @NoNamesLeftToUse has the solution!
Hello
And welcome to the greatest opportunity of your life!
My name is @NoNamesLeftTouse The Writer/Artist Himself and I'll be your host.
Do you suffer from stress related brain injury due to being overwhelmed with the sheer amount of quality content this platform has to offer? Do you begin to hallucinate and hear voices when it comes time to choosing exactly which post you'll be voting for that day? Is this all beginning to take it's toll on your body? Have you been missing a lot of work lately? Did the divorce papers finally arrive in the mail? Did your dog stop eating her food so she can spend what used to be the happiest time of her life giving you sad puppy dog eyes instead while you do everything in your power to avoid cracking that last bottle of wine?
Would you prefer a better life?!
Yes? You would?
Well then!
You've come to the right place!
Not only the the right place but the only place you'll ever need to visit again for the rest of your life!
So pull up a chair and fasten the straps provided because you're mine now and you're not going anywhere for a very long time!
Just think of all the money you've already saved!
No more bills!
You're free to sit here while the rest of the world passes by and doesn't even know this little dungeon fun room exists!
I'll feed you things like:
- Pancakes!
- Fruit Loops!
- Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!
- Canned ravioli!
- Orange drink!
- Mystery meat!
That's right! You won't have to cook ever again and I'll raise the food tray
up, up, up!
All the way to your mouth.
You can simply lean in and nibble. No more forks and you know what that means, right?
You'll never have to do dishes again!
Isn't this exciting!
Thank you!
Thank you!
How do you do it, @NoNamesLeftToUse? What's your secret?
The secret is in the kitchen so stop asking questions and come with me!
See the Kool-aid?
Yes!
Drink the Kool-aid!
Wow! What is this place?
That's your new home!
But I don't remember coming here...
Good!
Now just get comfortable here on the chair...
You mean the log?
Um? Yeah! Sit on the log!
It feels like I'm sitting on marshmallows!
But why can't I move now? My arms feel so heavy.
That's just your body telling you it's happy and likes where it is right now; so just sit back and remain still while I secure the rest of these special straps designed to keep you safe, warm, and cozy. If you think it feels too tight, don't worry, you'll get used to it.
You said something about voting?
Yes and don't worry, your phone will be safe with me. I've already taken it upon myself to help you with voting for things you'll like and because I'm doing that for you, I'll use one or two of your votes per day on my work at just the right time to maximize your rewards so we can pay for the food you'll be needing. I've also taken it upon myself to change your password because the one you were using was too easy to remember.
Thank you! I wasn't expecting to be treated like royalty! Your customer service skills are unmatched in this industry and I think I see a unicorn humping an eagle on a trampoline during a live episode of Scooby-Doo!
Yeah, whatever, just go to sleep and enjoy the content. I'll check up on you in a few hours.
Have a nice day!
Images © 2018 @NoNamesLeftToUse. All rights reserved.