The Day From Hell
This Man would now like to go back to sleep and try this day all over again. Where in the hell is the reset button? How does This Man go back to the most recent save point? Why can't This Man's life be more like a video game?
Sunday was nice. Sunday made sense. Sunday was sunny and everything was coming up roses.
Monday! Be More Like Sunday!
WTF Monday? You're Drunk!
This Man woke up to the sweet song of what sounded like fifty or sixty robins at their first band practice.
It was the shittiest rehearsal This Man has ever heard! This Man hopes they can get their shit together or they can kiss the dream of being the next winner of that annoyingly stupid talent show on television goodbye!
Simon Cowell thought his life was hard. Go buy another Bugatti you bastard! You don't know what a true fail at life sounds like until you get woken up by these morons living the high life up there in the trees acting like their shit don't stink.
At Least There's Coffee!
This Man decided it was time to let the birds win and move on to the next event. Making coffee.
Single serve unit, nice little machine, easy enough. Put water in up to the fill line, place cup in the only logical place to put a cup, insert pod, press start.
This Man stood around for a few seconds, trying to stop thinking about how easy it would be to murder every single bird on this planet, coffee was ready. Add milk, take sip.
Piss!
Why does this taste like purified and filtered donkey piss!
This Man could not figure out the problem, so This Man took another sip and sure as hell, same thing, piss! This Man leaned in to smell the water, seemed fresh, no sort of unpleasant odor could be found lofting out of the tank into These Nostrils. So what's going on here?
That's when This Man noticed the fresh pod was still sitting beside the coffee maker looking happy and mocking This Man with an imaginary middle finger. This Man used Sunday's pod, again. No wonder.
This Man was slightly nervous after dumping out the piss and attempting to make a new cup. Admittedly, This Man was shaking when it came time to experiment on what was to be the first sip of actual coffee and not piss.
It was not piss this time, This Man finally caught a break, went outside to enjoy some fresh air and a cigarette, stumbled over an imaginary trip hazard, spilled half of the coffee on the deck.
This Man has nothing against Colombians or wherever the hell the coffee truly came from, but This Man would enjoy it if you folks could stop messing with This Man. We can be friends, okay? Please, just let This Man live in peace.
Time for Work
Hooray! Everyone enjoys going to work, including This Man.
When This Man isn't busy being a superhero, This Man works on a certified organic seed farm. Growing wheat, barley, oats, peas, some canola.
If you think growing organic seed involves an urban hipster standing in the middle of a field with a sickle while wearing a straw hat, you'd be grossly misinformed. We use tractors the size of army tanks and implements larger than your house. These machines need to be maintained and that's what keeps This Man busy most days.
The job site isn't far from This Man's lair, twas a nice day, This Man decided to take the dirt bike to work instead of acting like a normal person.
Roughly five or six kilometers away, This Man hears a nasty sound, the back tire suddenly locks up and This Man's life flashed before These Eyes.
Luckily, This Man has nearly three decades of experience on a motorcycle. This Man was not expecting to see a broken chain on this day though. This Man always remembers to lubricate. This Man takes pride in a healthy chain. Unfortunately, today is Monday and it can go to hell.
After spending nearly thirty minutes using a rock to hammer the chain out from where it felt like being stuck, This Man could finally begin the act of pushing a massive beast on two wheels all the way home. It's a Honda CRF450, it's not a light bike, on a few occasions This Man felt like lighting it on fire and moving to the bush to forget about this world.
Nearly Two Hours Later
This Man is finally home. Called the boss, he didn't have any work for This Man anyway. He had called, two minutes after This Man left, to explain. If only the piss coffee mystery had taken two more minutes to figure out...
This Man now required a beer.
To make up for today's wage loss, This Man decided to tell @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist Himself (we are not the same person, that's just a rumor) that it would be a good time to publish the hitman post.
Since it's Monday and today has to be like that, it seems the thumbnail image glitched out, hardly anyone looked, lowest vote count ever!
Apparently This Man has a lot in common with @NoNamesLeftToUse on This Day. We could be Monday Haters together. We'd make a good team.
So Why Not Do Some Trading
Oh boy! SBD is mooning! Too bad This Man's initial sell order was set so low. This Man had a few SBD's kicking back in the Steemit wallet, chillin'. Why not transfer some over and make a nice profit today?
Oh! Looks like This Man should have looked first. Apparently we can't transfer SBD to Poloniex today and now there's 160 SBD somewhere in limbo land, mocking This Man.
In Conclusion
This Man will now attempt to forget life and not move from this chair in fear of something else going wrong.
If you're about to complain about this article being too long, shush! Welcome to This Man's BLEEPING long day from hell!
Toodles (That means goodbye!)
Shut Up!
