The President of the Chamber of Corporate Commerce has fulfilled one of his campaign promises in his first proposed budget of his new administration, targeting large, yellow birds for complete elimination.
The proposal draft outlines the $350 billion dollar budget for the eradication program which will draw its funding from slashes to Education and Public Broadcasting allocations.
yesterday tomorrow Today, education and public broadcasting make up .002 of the nation's overall budget and are constantly struggling to wrestle funding from other government programs, such as the "Put A Blow-up Doll in Low-Earth Orbit" initiative or the Pentagon's "Bomb in Every Kitchen" outreach squad.
Earlier in the year, the President hinted that he may nominate the Great, Great Great Grandson of former President Stallone, Mavis Stallone, to take over the Department of Avaian Affairs, which has been controversial in the news lately due to its massive, three-year long backlog.
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The overdue technological 'singularity' will transform us into 'sex machines' some time in the next 18 months, according to a comment left on a forum somewhere.
This may sound like the mad ramblings of a basement dwelling, sex-starved internet troll, but former human and current cyborg, "Robo" Ray Kurweil has somewhat of a track record when it comes to prediction. In 1998, he famously predicted that the milk in his fridge would spoil within two weeks, an event that came to pass and garnered "Robo" some serious credibility.
"Robo" says we live in a time where most people prefer emotionless, rather than meaningful, 'hook-ups'. The societal preference for no-strings attached affairs has led to the rise of the cyber-thot, and sales have shot up like a mushroom head through the dirt.
"It's one small step to go from your desktop to your pants," Kurzweil explained to an audience of middle-aged men clad in cosplay.
"He's totally right. I wasn't even sexually active until I was able to score a used thot from my older brother who bought a new one," shared one audience member named Klye, who preferred not to be identified.
"Instead of a future where Humanity is being screwed by an AI race of sex bots, we made a business model out of boinking machines".
Much more than stocks went up as the news was released.
