Me: What are you doing with my old law books?
Bud: Getting ready for Judge Judy. I hate our new neighbors.
Me: Whoa. Judge Judy is not Jerry Springer. She's small claims court.
Bud: Well, I'm small. And I have a claim: I hate our neighbors.
Me: How is that a legal grievance? What did those folks ever do to you? They haven't even moved in yet.
Bud: Thus the crux of my argument. All their insensitive remodeling has disregarded the needs of others. Dust everywhere! Can't get away from it. One sneeze from the Great Dane at the poker game last night and 6 aces I was sitting on we're gone in an instant. I lost a bundle.
Me: Let me get this: You're blaming the the neighbors for your inability to cheat at cards?
Bud: Encroachment! Trespassing! Pollution! Canine Endangerment!
Me: Judge Judy will think you're a joke...
Bud: Yeah? Well, you won't think it's so funny when you check your debit card balance.