It's been said that Cats have nine lives...
Now THERE'S a Faustian Bargain if ever I saw one!
If "All dogs go to Heaven," then where, I wonder, do all the cats go?
🤔 🙋♂️ 👉 🔥
Probably not accurate, but that doesn't mean cats aren't fierce and manipulative little demonic beasts!
Let's get Recreationally Outraged!
At CATS!
Sure, they're adorable when they purr, they're soft and clean, and when they meow it's always very cute.
Mark these words:
They are domesticated MONSTERS!
Fear the feline, and with good reason!
Ever heard of toxoplasma gondii?
It's the parasite that causes toxoplasmosis.
That parasite lives in cat poop, and it'll make you a painful kind of crazy.
The only known hosts that these terrible parasites can reproduce in are felines.
So cats are parasite factories, running around looking all soft and adorable before clawing your baby's eyes out.
How many emojis for cats are there?
Here's why I'm recreationally outraged at the emoji makers:
Too many darn kitties!
🐱 🐆🦁 🐅 🐯 🐈
We don't need or WANT that many reminders that they are among us!
Are you ready for some 'shock and awe' at how pervasively legion their influence is?
How many Official 'cat recognition days (or months)' do you think that there are in a calendar year?
Take a guess!
Our answer is:
->
-->
--->
---->
----->
------>
17!
That's ridiculous!!!
Let's count them off, shall we?
January
1/22/18:
- National Answer Your Cat's Question Day
Example:
"Why are humans so dumb?"
Asked the cat, to its owner...
February
--- National Cat Health Month ---
2/17/18:
- World Cat Day
I guess we know the date (not yet the year, when the cats decide to take over.
2/27/18:
- World Spay Day
Every year It's the last Tuesday of February.
"Spay" means to sterilize a cat by removing the ovaries.
Why it's not "World Spay AND Neuter Day" is beyond me. That's the Humane Society's decision... Go protest them for singling out only the females of a species for this procedure...
March
3/28/18:
- Respect Your Cat Day
Yes, that's actually a real day.
Just wait, it gets better...
April
4/30/18:
- National Tabby Day
June
--- Adopt a cat Month ---
6/4/18:
- National Hug Your Cat Day
Hope and pray it doesn't have a conniption during your display of love and claw your face, leaving you with an attractive scar and infected with toxoplasmosis...
6/24/18:
- Take Your Cat to Work Day
I only endorse this special day if you work in a facility that tests rocking chairs.
August
8/17/18:
- National Black Cat Appreciation Day
Hallowe'en is 2.5 months away, somebody can't plan or read a calendar...
8/18/18:
- International Cat Day
When 'World Cat Day' isn't enough...
8/22/18:
- National Take Your Cat to the Vet Day
Hopefully no one's infected with parasites.
September
--- Happy Healthy Cat Month ---
This is the month you celebrate that appointment you had on 8/22.
October
10/16/18:
- National Feral Cat Day
Yeah. Someone thought this was a good idea.
10/29/18:
- National Cat Day
Because 'World Cat Day,' and 'International Cat Day' WEREN'T enough!
10/30/18:
- National Black Cat Day
NOT to be confused with 'National Black Cat Appreciation Day,' on 8/17/18
November
11/17/18:
- National Black Cat Day
Hold on! TWO National Black Cat Days in a year? A Repeat?
Yes.
How?
Black cats have magical powers.
Used exclusively for nefarious purposes, obviously.
December
--- National Cat Lover's Month ---
ALL OF THESE DATES ARE REAL!
Cats are taking over the world.
The cats probably got together and came up with the Planet of the Apes movies, decades ago, just to distract us.
Pretend to be nice to them;
one day THEY will be in charge...
All month long in March you'll get a personal tour of awesome VIP, All Access passes I've been granted over the years, along with some really cool and unique stories you will only ever read right here, on Steemit!
Love and kisses,
and beware of those kitties!
