Posting daily 5 quotes, jokes, motivational,facts and true stories.
Did you know that the word Nike (ni' ke`) means "MOVE" in both the Cook Island and New Zealand Maori languages. Move. Just do it !
TRUE STORY
Mr Wilson after a night out at the Sky City Casino decides to take a taxi cab home. He enters the first available cab and immediately he is insulted. Driver- "Did you win?", to which Wilson replies "No". The driver retorts with " Just another loser, aye". This upsets Wilson. The drive home doesn't get any better. Not only is Wilson bombarded with further insults, the driver takes the longer route home and charges extra for the trip. Wilson can not believe that he has been subjected to extremely poor service and a driver lacking in social graces. He makes a compliant to the said Taxi company and is responded to with the "We will look into it" line that is usually spouted out by most companies.....which really means "We don't give a shit!".
Several weeks pass and again Wilson is at the Sky City Casino enjoying a night out. He makes his way out to grab a cab when he notices the same driver at the back of the taxi rank behind a row of six other cabs. Wilson devises a plan. As it is summer, all the cabs had their windows down. He approaches the first cab and ask, "Mate, I'll give you an extra $10 if you give me a blowjob on top of the fare?" The first driver basically tells him to "Fuck off." Wilson ask every driver the same question down the length of the taxi rank and gets the same response from every driver. Finally Wilson reaches the problematic asshole of a driver from his last trip and jumps into his cab. As they slowly drive pass the other cabs, Wilson is all thumbs up and yelling to the all the other drivers "IT'S ON!" Not only will this driver have a reputation for being an asshole and a dickhead but he can also add 'COCKSUCKER' to his list!
Girl : "What color are my eyes?"
Boy : Answer at bottom of page.
Two friends. Paddy to the O'Brien, "I got beaten to an inch of my life yesterday." O'Brien to Paddy ask " You do look bruised and battered,How?"
Paddy- "Well, I was in an elevator about to press the button for my floor, when his stunning woman with gorgeous large breast steps in, all I could see were these two lovely examples of womanhood about to pop out of her bra, with her bra struggling to contain their precious cargo and a blouse that really was a no show in terms of actually providing cover. My eyes were glued and fixated on the best mammeries these eyes have ever had the fortune of witnessing." Then she asked me to "Please press 1."
"SO I DID!"
Pierre the French fighter pilot is picnicking with his new fiances Cindy on the banks of the Seine river in Paris, before being shipped out to the Eastern front at the commence of the First World War. Both are feeling a little amorous and they are in an isolated area, well away from the general public. Pierre starts to slowly undo Cindy's blouse, purposely taking his time with each and every button, he fiddles with the hooks to her bra and smiles excitingly as each hook is released with a re-assuring pop. Finally he removes the garment with a panache flair. Cindy happy with all that is happening is constantly " Ohhhhing and ummmming". Suddenly, Pierre pulls out a bottle of white wine and pours it all over Cindy's glistering breast. Cindy, "Oh, Pierre; what are you doing?" To which Pierre replies, " I am Pierre the French fighter pilot. White meat deserves white wine, only for you my dear." Pierre continues, he removes her top and blouse but this time he pulls out a bottle of fine French red wine and pours it slowly over Cindy's mid riff. Cindy- "Ohhhhh Pierre, what are you doing?". Pierre replies, "I am Pierre the French fighter pilot, red meat deserves the finest red wine, for you my dear." Pierre continues further, he slowly and diligently removes Cindy's under garment.By this stage Cindy is beside herself, she is filled with anticipation and the "Ohhhhhs and ummmmms" become more numerous as she excitingly awaits what is about to unfold. Pierre pulls out a bottle of Cognac and pours it over Cindy's nether regions. Suddenly he pulls out a lighter and ignites Cindy's nether region, there is an almighty roar as the concoction explodes. Cindy leaps into the air and leaps even further in the Seine river. Cindy- "What the FUCK was that, Pierre!"
"I am Pierre the French fighter pilot, If I am going down, I am going down in FLAMES!!!!!"
If you enjoyed any of the jokes, please check out my other post:
https://steemit.com/funny/@skytronia/8-laughing-my-ass-off-big-time-some-of-my-favorite-quotes-jokes-motivation-and-true-stories-that-i-have-created-over-my-life
https://steemit.com/funny/@skytronia/7-laughing-my-ass-off-big-time-some-of-my-favorite-quotes-jokes-motivation-and-true-stories-that-i-have-created-over-my-life
https://steemit.com/funny/@skytronia/6-laughing-my-ass-off-big-time-some-of-my-favorite-quotes-jokes-motivation-and-true-stories-that-i-have-created-over-my-life
https://steemit.com/funny/@skytronia/5-laughing-my-ass-off-big-time-some-of-my-favorite-quotes-jokes-true-stories-that-i-have-created-over-my-life-time-plus-others
https://steemit.com/funny/@skytronia/laughing-my-ass-off-big-time-some-of-my-favorite-quotes-jokes-true-stories-that-i-have-created-over-my-life-time-plus-others-4
Images sourced from Pixabay, free images, free clipart and google images.
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and the many others who have given me inspiration on this wonderful platform!