The Glory... That Is CRAIGSLIST. God help all our souls...
You can insult total strangers in complete anonymity, just like the old days when telephones didn’t have Call Display.
Because it’s totally free, unlike the porn-site “craigslust”. (Actually, there is a “craigslust” section on craigslist, it’s called “casual encounters”.)
You can leave anything out on your lawn, like dented lawn gnomes or burnt-out fluorescent tubes or bags of gerbil carcasses and advertise the fact on craigslist, and more often than not, the items will be gone in less than an hour.
Because if you need a queen-sized mattress with unidentifiable stains for free, craigslist is the place! Just ask the person giving the mattress away to leave it out on their lawn, you'll pick it up in an hour.
As a man, you get a vicarious thrill reading the “Women Seeking Women” posts, especially the ones with pictures.
As a woman, you get a vicarious thrill reading posts from women insulting men in the “Women Seeking Women” section, especially those guys who email pictures of their penis to Lesbians (a pointless, futile exercise to all parties involved).
If you feel like offending an entire state, province, or even country, just head over to the suitable craigslist “region” and post something along the lines of, “The Reasons Why <State, Province, and/or Country you hate> SUCKS!!!”
Wonder why your pet budgie has a dry hacking cough, sniffles, and screams the words, “MY PANCREAS BURNS” over and over? Just ask the handy pet experts in the appropriate craigslist forum! Or check the "Free" section for someone giving away a spare budgie pancreas, you'll be surprised.
Need “Hot Asian Sorority Girls Gone Wild” DVD’s? Sure you do! I know I do. I'm a very lonely man. The Lesbians in “Women Seeking Women” do, too! Or maybe you’re looking for the complete run of “Full House” on VHS format? Or something signed by… wait or it… Spandau Ballet? YES, SPANDAU-FUCKING-BALLET. Just head on over to the “CDs/DVDs/VHS” section on craigslist for all your porn/poorly recorded TV shows/Spandau Ballet needs..
Looking for a “casual encounter” with a nineteen-year old cheerleader who in real life turns out to be a large, non-female-gendered eighty-seven year old deviant? No? Well, avoid “casual encounters” in craigslist, then. TRUST ME, I know what I’m talking about. I showered for hours while curled up in a fetal ball in the bathtub, and yet I still feel unclean. I'll make you pay for the loss of my innocence, craigslist... oh how you will pay.
A crappy animated GIF of the one who violated me. But I still think craigslist is cool. I could do without all the "Netflix 'N Chill" and subsequent anal trauma, though.
SlackerDan is a comedy writer and enjoys collecting spatulas and wayward hitchhikers.