Yesterday, I boarded a bus from Effurun Roundabout to Enerhen junction in warri), immediately I sat down inside the bus, I discovered I was sitting close to vivian; a pretty girl around my street whom I had bin crushing on for a very long time. This means I have to maintain my self and be on my best behaviour so as not to disgrace myself befer her.
Immediately I noticed her presence, I had to change my accent, as if I was an ajebo... Because she thought I was all these while. Even when my phone rang, I answered as if I just landed from the US.
Sooner, the conductor asked for his money and I happily gave him 500 naira, waiting for my 400naira change.
Conductor: " E be like you dey mad, #500 this kain morning, where I wan see change #400?
I didn't reply, because all my attention was still focused on vivian and I was still forming like an ajebo guy that boarded a bus, maybe his car broke down.
It was at this point I realized that I had no other money with me. That was my last 500naira both cash at hand and cash in bank if you know what I mean. So i codedly asked the conductor for my change, he pretended not to hear me, I left him alone.
A while later I asked him for my change again.
Me: Please, can I have my change? I'll soon get to my bus stop"
Conductor: I no get change
I was shocked, he had change, it was in his hand.
Me: So what do we do?
Conductor: That one no "consign" me, I no get change
Passenger 1: But na change dey your hand na, why una dey like look for trouble? "
Passenger 2: Na so dem dey do, bro, no mind am, ooo, him go give you.
Conductor ignored us all and went calling for passengers, me I was just laughing inside... Again I asked him for my change but he ignored as if I was talking to a log of wood. In my mind I was like "this guy never know who he dey play with, you think say I be ajebo abi? You no know say na because of babe make me dey form since"
As luck may have it, vivian dropped from the bus at a certain uba bank close to enerhen junction..
Again I said to myself "na now this conductor wan know say I be beta Warri pikin"
When I got closer to my drop, I asked him for my change
Conductor; E be like say you want wahala, you bring #500 for motor #100, where I wan see change?
Me with my best street voice: You go see am for Buhari hand, you hear me? E be like say you wan craze now, abi dem dey play garala for your head? Your ear well well, you hear me so?
Everybody in the bus turned to look at me, what happened to the soft spoken dude? What happened to his English language?
I continued* " If you no give me my change now now eh, you go see craze, for your mind, you think say I well, abi? I be like ajebo for your eyes? No go goor yourself ooo, forget this tie wey I wear, I no well ooo, go ask dem for my side, dem go tell u say the boy dey craze... Abi u dey smoke dry shit? give me my change make I come down"
Conductor: Ahhhhh senior bros, u for talk since na... So you self na area. *quickly gives me my #400
I came down, adjusted my tie and walked away as if I be jehovah witness. Lols
No go dull yourself for Warri oh......