Okay, what the hell. I've been drinking Lipton for my entire life. I always assumed that the bitter taste was part of the tea flavor. Holy shit was I wrong.
Fellow Americans, we have been lied to. I'm not talking about UFOs or deep state conspiracies.
I'm talking about how much American black tea sucks ass. I mean it is really terrible. But the problem is that you can't tell until you've had tea from pretty much anywhere else that's not America. I don't even know why it's so bad. It's as if they collected all of the old used tea bags in England, pissed on them, let them dry out for 6 months, then re-bagged them and shipped them to the States.
Some people are probably already up in arms by the mere fact that I could even suggest that something in America is not the best in the world. I apologize in advanced, but it is just the truth. We are being deceived by the evil Corporate bastards at Lipton Corp. They rub their hands together and watch us. They cackle menacingly while saying "Drink. That's right Drink my friends! It's delicious!"
So a friend of mine from Europe asked me:
Hiya, Steemlet! You 'all right mate?
And I responded yeah, I'm fine. Do I look like something is wrong?
With a slightly puzzled look, he offered me some tea. Then he did something really gross - he started to pour milk into it. OMG! So after looking at it in disgust for a few minutes I took a sip. I sat there for a few moments looking blankly into space.
Then it hit me all at once... I jumped up, swung my arms out sending the tea and several flower pots flying in all directions.
I then screamed out in a slobbering rage "Why God? Why!!! How could this be?!? It's all a lie!"
After another moment of silence, I dropped to the floor and sobbed inconsolably for about 3 1/2 hours. I had finally seen through the veil. No longer could I hide behind Old Glory in ignorant defiance.
Don't wait until it's too late. Get yourself out there and have a proper cup of milky tea. But be prepared, my countryman, the truth hits like a brick.