By George Beetsman | Chicago, IL
After a number of incidents, several accidents, and a few fatalities, Chicago's Midway and O'Hare International Airports, have banned a large number of species from the accepted Emotional Support Animal Network. The announcement came just days after an incident on Air American Flight 215 when the flight turned fowl for more than one passenger; as an emotional support caiman attacked and ate Peckers, an emotional support chicken.
The death of Peckers was the fourth midflight animal fatality this week. Growing concern had begun to crescendo into a frenzied clamour when the two airports jointly announced new guidelines for emotional support animals. The moves are meant to makes flights safer while accommodating emotional support (ES) animals as much as possible. Among the changes in guidelines are:
ES mice and rats may not be seated in the same section as ES cats. ES cats are not allowed to be seated in the same section as ES dogs. Which animal, dog or cat, gets seating preference is at the captain's discretion of which animal is cuddlier.
ES animals will no longer be permitted to be stowed in "nature's hideaway pouch."
ES humans must follow the same apparel guidelines as regular passengers. No longer will ES humans be allowed to fly in the "natural animal state" of nudity. Exceptions for private flights once aboard.
ES androids and sexual companion robots must have a purchased ticket and remain seated in the ticketed seat for the flight's duration. No longer will robots be allowed to sit on a passenger's lap.
The following animals will no longer be allowed to fly as ES animals: all spiders, snakes, crocodiles, alligators, caiman, badgers, llamas, goats, yetis, lions, tigers, (most) bears, scorpions, piranhas, sharks, teacup chihuahuas, anything over 45 lbs, anything under 5lbs, and PewDIePie.
Transportation Security Administration Agent Betty Godshaa explained the changes this way, "We're trying to accommodate our passengers as much as we can without having flights turn into uncensored nature documentaries at any moment." When asked how would-be-passengers with exotic ES animals should get around Godshaa replied, "I don't know. Take a bus. Drive. Maybe get support animal that's a little less bloodthirsty. There are a number of options."
Do you need to make new travel plans because of these changes? Please let us know how you feel about it in the comments below.