What I want to write vs What I actually write!!
Proceed with caution!!! Strong written language!!
Swearing Involved!!!
Email 1:
- Boss
Therneau,
What is happening with the sales volumes? We need to get the volumes back up.
- Me
Boss,
Ahhh, you know what would really have helped?? I guess not or else we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!! Let me refresh your memory.
I told you we are dealing with a commodity product so you can't expect me to sell it at a specialized product's price!!! ESPECIALLY if our SPECIALIZED product has been inferior to the competitors product. It's quite simple really. Cut my one leg off and let me hop around like an absolute twat!! Get it?
Scratch this
Good day Boss,
I understand your concern. We have been trying very hard at ground level to get the volumes up. We have been supplying the best possible service from a delivery and assistance perspective however the larger volume customers aren't quite satisfied with the pricing. Would it be possible to review this?
Kind regards
Therneau
Email 2:
- Boss
Therneau,
We are reviewing the companies current position and unfortunately we will be retrenching staff as part of the cost saving exercise. As things stand at the moment we are running at a loss and unfortunately the company can no longer carry these costs. We have exhausted all other possible solutions and I will inform you once we start with the procedure.
- Me
What the fuck do you mean you have exhausted all other options!! Don't talk bullshit to me!! What about that fancy dinner for you and your friends? What about the earlier solutions I have provided you with (decreasing fuel, travel, expense claims, procurement, phone limits etc)? Nothing came of that??? I would also like to know why are we paying some idiot there at HO twice my salary to do What exactly?? Oh wait, I know. To suck your cock!!! She's useless at any other task we require??? Ohhhh nooo but those are all Irrelevant I suppose? Oh, and what about that 6 digit salary of yours? So you'd rather get rid of a handful of 4 digit salaries that are likely the only breadwinners? You're a fucking asshole. Oh yes, didn't I also tell you to investigate the Ghost salaries on the payroll? What happened with that? The same individual is still there and that matter got swept under the table. Get your priorities straight!!!
Scratch this
Good day boss,
I understand there is no longer anything I can do from my side.
Regards
Therneau
- Boss
Therneau
When will I get my report?
- Me
Boss,
When will you learn some manners!!! A greeting usually starts with Hello, Good day, Greetings etc. What is wrong with you??? I also let you know in my previous email that I will have it done by the end of the day!!! Can't you reeeeaaaadddd or do you only read what you want to!!
Scratch this
Good day Boss,
I'll have it on your desk before the end of business today.
My apologies for any delays.
Kind regards
Therneau
