Here's the thing boys, I'm not claiming to have it all figured out when it comes to the fairer sex. But I have learned quite a bit in my time on this crazy little blue sphere we call home. And I've decided to share a little of that wisdom that comes with all of my gray hair!
So let's get to it then.
If you have seen even one episode of the Showtime series: Californication you have an idea of who the lead character Hank Moody is. From the very first scene he is in, we see him in a sexual situation with a beautiful woman. By the end of the episode you are thinking, "that guy is the man."
Why? Because Hank represents the man we all (secretly) desire to be:
- Smooth
- Charming
- Witty
- Talented
- And most importantly, a natural with the women folk!
The last part is very important. For decades now, men have been trying to figure out what it takes to be an "Alpha Male."
Books have been written about. Videos made by sleazy pick-up artist. Packed conventions with so-called "dating gurus" have been sold out. All because we are chasing one that one thing: Hank Moody!
On the outside, if you've never seen the show one would say it's about a womanizing, self destructive, writer, and his sexual odyssey across the City of Angeles. This of course gets him into all kinds of trouble.
The truth is though, there is a lot more to him that. He's a father of pre-teen girl (Becca) who he obviously adores. Then there's her mother (Karen) who Hank is still very much in love with. And he displays this throughout the show. He's also a very talented writer who takes his work so serious that it nearly destroys him when Hollywood adapts his novel into a garbage romantic comedy.
But yes, with all of that, that fact is Hank does love the ladies... and the ladies really love Hank!
Why is this? If he's a "womanizer" and non-committal and self destructive how does he have the success he has?
Is it the "bad boy" thing? This is a term I have personally grown tired of hearing. Cause it implies by being an asshole you will get women. This is false. A "bad boy" is something that was created by people who don't know the difference between confident and weak. You can be a "nice guy" and still have balls. Meaning if you are true to who you are, you stand up for yourself, and have a standard you live by.
In fact, in the show, Hank is actually a real gentleman. He respects, and get this, actually "likes" the women he sleeps with. He treats them like human beings with feelings.
There are several reasons for his success with women.
HANK MOODY IS NOT AFFECTED BY BEAUTY!
When he meets a beautiful woman, he doesn't treat her any different than he would an unattractive woman. He's not trying to be cooler with her than he is with someone he's not attracted to.
Most of us, when in the presence of a gorgeous woman, start to change the way we behave. We start "trying." But in reality what that really comes off as is desperate, or trying too hard. A Beautiful woman can see that a mile away cause they experience it every day. In fact, on any given day they probably have to deal with men like this at the very least 10 times.
The reason why we change our behavior and start down this path to nowhere is because we want, or more importantly, desire a specific outcome with these women.
Ask yourself this:
When you meet an attractive woman, can you look her in the eye? Can you talk to her with out studdering? Hell, can you even approach her? "Approach Anxiety" is a huge issue for most men when it comes to attractive women.
Now, if you were speaking to a woman who you didn't find attractive in the slightest, How would you behave with her? Would you try to impress her by showing her how clever you are. Or by bragging about what you have or what you do for living? Things like, doing extra things for her like making sure she had a drink, when you don't care if anybody else does.
Basically, would you go far out of your way for her?
I'm betting dollars to donuts the answer is probably, NO! Would you be polite? Sure (I hope). Would you be social? Absolutely. But you wouldn't all of sudden start trying to prove yourself to her. You wouldn't brag to make her think more of you, cause basically, you wouldn't care. So why do it just cause she's attractive?
HANK MOODY DOESN'T GIVE A SINGLE FUCK!
What's attractive to men is extremely different than what's attractive to women. Men (as been stated ad nauseam in media) are visual in what we deem "hot." Women aren't as driven by that. They care more about the "type" of men we are. Hank is confident, funny, and knows how to talk to women cause he's not hung up on the outcome of his encounter with them.
Most of us treat, or have treated picking up women as some sort of sport that we are trying to win. When we do get into a conversation with them, we barely listen to anything they're telling us cause we are plotting the next clever thing to say that will further advance our position.
Hank Moody is not afraid to be goofy or same dumb shit. Because he doesn't care. He's doing it for his amusement, not there's.
The outcome of his encounters do not matter! That's the point here. He doesn't care whether he takes them home or not. And in that aloofness, is where you find the "sweet spot."
There's no pressure on either of you which makes it comfortable for her to do "something crazy" and just have wild sex with you cause she just wants to.
I'm not saying you have to take it to an extreme and become a clown or dancing monkey around them, cause they don't respect that either. But being playful and "chill" is something they will always find attractive.
Which leads me to my final point:
HANK MOODY IS INTERESTING!
Sure, he sleeps with a lot of women, but he is also a father, an author, and works in the film industry.
Things that he actually puts first before women. In fact it's usually his passion for writing that makes him so appealing to women in the show... Not his passion for them.
It's not just about getting laid. Being a more well-rounded person benefits you in every other area of your life. Your goal should not be, "How can I change to get girls." It should be more, "What interest me?" "What do I love doing besides sex?"
It's a fact that people are drawn to interesting people. And being fake about your interest or who you are to try to "fool" women into bed with you only makes it harder for you to connect.
If you're really good at something, why not try to become an expert at it. Women love to learn new, interesting things. If you are a grown-ass man, you should ALWAYS have things to talk about. If not, your problems are bigger than just finding a woman to sleep with you.
CONCLUSION
We (as men) all want that validation of a beautiful woman, even if it's just a little. Any man who says he doesn't is probably lying or gay (which is fine, but just a different topic). But our ego and self esteem can't be so dependent on a woman's response to our efforts that we start to question who we are.
Occasionally, Hank does face rejection, and his response is always the same: With a clever quip and a smile. He doesn't shame them. He doesn't yell at them and call them bitches to mend a broken ego.
Is Hank the kind of man we should aspire to be? In my humble opinion, yes. Not in everything he does on the show because he does do some pretty self destructive things. But there's no denying his charm, cool, and swag. As a man, why wouldn't you wan't those qualities?
Obviously I'm a huge fan of the show. I highly recommend watching it if you haven't seen it just to get a reference for what I'm talking about.
UNLESS... you are doing the NOFAP thing, in which cause, avoid this show as there are tons of naked women running about.
Also: Avoid the pick-up artist bullshit you see on Youtube. There are few helpful ones, but most of them are pretty toxic. If you need something that can help you be a "better you" and do better with women, I recommend a book called "The Tao of Steve." You can find it Amazon for $2.99. And I guarantee it will make you a more well-rounded guy, and not a creep!
Anway, I'll leave you with one of the funniest break-up scenes ever:
