So this is not your average, regular Joe season preview, nah. Those things are a dime a dozen, here we take it to another level.
Warning: This is not for “serious” people, it’s about to get very silly.
How do you do a season preview that’s absolutely lit, fun and different from the gazillion others? Simple, add a bit of theatre magic : )
Ever wondered which Avengers character your team would be? Probably not. Here we go.
Every new season begins with a thousand hopes and expectations, there are twenty teams that dream of winning the league, seven that will fancy their chances more than the rest, but you and I know there are only four (yes, four) real contenders. So here we’ll take a look at the seven, their transfer business, where they’ll finish and of course, choose the Avengers character they most resemble.
let the fun begin:
Manchester City
After six matches last season, Manchester City were top of the log with 6 wins from 6 and 18 goals scored. Pep magic. The Spaniard, brought in to lead City to European dominance like his Barcelona team had begun on a soaring note. The came the Spurs.
City traveled to White Hart Lane on October 2, four points clear of the chasing pack. A punishing 90 minutes later, Pep was truly “welcomed” to the Premier League. It finished two nil, it might have been more. City remained top but the lead had been decimated, they would only win one of the next four yielding the top spot to Liverpool at the end of Matchday 11.
Somehow the problems were attributed to defensive frailties, perhaps helped by Pep’s suggestion that his full-backs (Kolarov, Zabaleta and Sagna) all belonged in a museum.This of course is not borne out of facts, only three teams (United, Spurs and Chelsea) conceded fewer goals. And in terms of goals scored only two scored more than the 80 Pep’s side notched. Which suggests that the problem lies elsewhere, but never mind that, City have thrown a poo load of money at the problem.
Benjamin Mendy, Kyle Walker, and Danilo have replaced the aforementioned trio with City breaking the record fee for a defender twice. Bernardo Silva and Ederson Moraes are the other new buys. So now that the problem is solved they’ll surely finish first, right?
Final League Position: 2nd. Sorry. City have spent close to half a billion pounds since Pep arrived but I think the problem is that Pep is yet to come to terms with just how stubborn PL teams can be. Can fully integrate all these new signings while dealing with champions league expectations, I don’t think so.
Avengers Character: Iron Man. Obviously.
Arsenal
Arsenal are always difficult to get a fix on. I have been predicting that they would fall out of the top six for the last couple of seasons and they always managed to confound me. However, last season they did. For the first time in two decades.
How did Wenger respond? In typical fashion. He put his head down and went about business in his usual way. Two new signings will be on show at the Emirates, record signing Alexandre Lacazette cost 52m from Lyon while Sead Kolasinac cost nothing. I told you, typical.
This season not only will Wenger have to deal with Europa league football, there’s the added pressure of two of his key players (Ozil and Sanchez) being into the final year of their contracts and of course, the now annual #WengerOut protests that will start sometime in November. I think it will be too much.
Final Position: 5th. And no, they will not win the Europa League.
Avengers Character: Captain America. All that wholesome goodness, reliability, etc
Manchester United
Goals. If you had to choose only one thing that overshadowed the good work Jose Mourinho did at Old Trafford last season you’d probably choose goals. United scored a paltry 54 of them last season. Put this in context with the rest of the teams wee’ll be looking at they were last for goals scored. Tottenham scored 32 more!
The answer to this problem for Mourinho was to shell out £75m for Romelu Lukaku. The Belgian will replace United’s top goal scorer from last season Zlatan Ibrahimovic. With 85 goals to his name over the past five seasons there are few more potent marksmen (only Aguero over that time period) in the league and frighteningly, at just 24 years old, there’s still room for improvement.
Mourinho will be pleased with the business done so far in the market, although he got three of his intended four targets, United look a tough proposition with strength in depth for all four competitions.
Final League Position: 1st. This one was not difficult to call really, Mourinho’s second season syndrome is famed and legendary.
Avengers Character: THOR. Yes United is the Asgardian god of thunder.
Tottenham Hotspurs
If there is anyone that characterizes just what Spurs have become over the last two seasons then it is their Captain, Harry Kane. Just four seasons ago, Kane was on loan at Norwich City and finished at Leicester scoring just two goals across 16 appearances. Fast forward three seasons, the 24-year-old has been named in the PFA Team of The Year in all three seasons, he was won the Golden Boot in the last two. Trophy Cabinet? Empty.
Spurs have punched above their weight in the last two seasons finishing 3rd and then 2nd. They needed to buck the trend, they are fast becoming the league’s “almost men”. The normal way to do that would have been to splash out in the transfer window, add some star dust to what was without doubt the best team in the League last season. But Daniel Levy is not normal. Spurs are yet to add a single player to their squad.
How will they get on? Well, I think Levy will eventually unclench his fists before the window closes, but I doubt it will open too much. As it is, Spurs have been cut off at the knee by their Chairman, but what Pochettino should concentrate on is getting some Silverware into that trophy cabinet. The FA Cup, hell even the EFL Cup are all within their grasp. Grab it, Poch!
Final League Position: 3rd. It could have been higher, if only.
Avengers Character: Hawkeye. Part of the team, deadly, but lacking that extra intangible that makes Cap and the rest
Chelsea
Antonio Conte won the battle of the new managers last season, he won it by a country mile. Spending less than Mourinho and Guardiola, the Italian recovered from a poor start, to win the league in style. Chelsea broke the record for most wins (30) in a single Premier League season, equalled the record for the most consecutive wins (13) and set a new record for copycat managers (16), lol.
His 3-4-3 formation revolutionized tactical approaches in England, by the end of the season, 17 of the twenty teams in the top flight had tried a 3-man defence at some point.
Now a new season begins, with European exertions this time around, how will he fare? Well we suspect he might have a more difficult season. In the market they have gotten upgrades in three positions, Morata for Costa, Bakayoko for Matic and Rudiger for Terry as well as a back-up goalie in Caballero. But in allowing those upgrades o be replacements rather than additions they failed horribly.
With Costa set to join the other two in leaving Stamford Bridge, Chelsea find themselves understaffed ahead of a gruelling campaign. If they do not get at least two new signings across the line before the window shuts, it could be de ja vu again.
Final League Position: 4th. And just barely. With Hazard out for the start of the season, Bakayoko injured and Morata yet to bed in, Chelsea are in for a bumpy ride.
Avengers Character: Black Widow. There’s that Russian connect, plus she’s probably the most ruthless of them all