1). Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
2). A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love. The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" The frog asks for the good news first. The fortune teller says, "You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart." "That's great!" says the frog. "But what's the bad news?" "Well, you're going to meet her in Biology class."
3). A woman drove to the local grocery store to buy a turkey to prepare for Thanksgiving dinner.
She was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her entire family.
So, she asked a stock boy, "Excuse me, do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."