WARNING: EXPLICIT VERBAL HARASSMENT AND SUPERLATIVE INSULTS AHEAD!! I SH*T YOU NOT! PROCEED AT OWN RISK! Greetings and salutations, my esteemed fellow Steemians. Let's dispense with any further pleasantries; the following contains a somber message that is likely to invoke outrage and despair.
image by Alexas_Fotos - source: Pixabay
Today, in my unrelenting efforts to climb to the top of the Trending page, I will try an alternative approach. Since everything is relative, maybe I would succeed if I stopped trying to ascend in the direction that's naturally hindered by the ironclad laws of physics, and instead work with this ubiquitous force of gravity by kicking down with vengeful gravitas on the vortex of nothingness, the whirlpool of vileness, the black hole of intellect and reason that is the current Trending page.
I hereby declare that anyone who has mistaken the cesspool of verbal misalignment and intellectual vacuum found in the average posts on the Trending page for "quality", needs to get a mental check-up or do whatever else necessary to get their senses back, as they've clearly lost them somewhere along the bumpy road to eternal Steemit Fame and Glory.
I present to you, in my case to prove the lack of quality on the page that should hold our most treasured contributions, exhibit A: the current no. 1 post, the upvoted representation of the creme-de-la-creme among blogging proficiency. Let's review the title, and the title only: The Ultimate Selfie [Explicit Comedy]. This title reveals to us, who still have control over our full mental and reasoning capacities, two things immediately.
The "Selfie" is to me as aggravating as all the new devices and services that start with "I"; we are living in an era of ultimate self-centeredness and ego-glorification, "Me" "Myself" and "I" bombarded to our new Gods because Polytheism makes perfect sense in a universe where only "I" am the bright shining center around which all other things revolve; even in the shadows cast by my blissfully radiant presence thou shall feel nothing but an all-encompassing warm and comforting sensation of deep gratitude.
This basic me-me-me attitude, however, is not enough to reach pole-position in the race to garnish attention from all the ego-tripping whale-wannabees, and our author shows he's very aware of this as he adds the mandatory superlative that escapes so effortlessly over the lips of any megalomaniac: "ultimate". This whale-size author, like a trickle-down wisdom mutilator, spreads the popular and always well-received message that says it's not only okay to be utterly self-centered; it's even preferable if you want to attract the short attention-spans of a million equally nihilistic minds, in order for them to cast their adulation on the spiritual equivalent of junk-food you dare call gourmet meals.
source: Wikimedia Commons
The second thing that's so telling in the title of this author's latest ploy to gain the upvotes from his self-serving inner-circle of yay-saying verbal nincompoops, is what it's missing: there's no hint of it being click-bait of any kind. While the most simplistic among Steemians may perceive this to be a positive indication of integrity on the part of the post's dishonorable creator, I'm sure that you, my ever growing number of loyal followers, know better and recognize the screaming sign of megalomaniac arrogance it actually is; he doesn't need to be creative, not even with something as short, simple and yet important as the title of his meaningless non-message, because he knows he can count on the before-mentioned inner-circle of yay-saying fellow whales, their soulless bots and the occasional lost Steemian ignorant that mistakenly believes he can get traction by riding the whale's waves of cash-generating, but utterly simplistic and mind-numbing intellectual emptiness.
It's tempting to unleash the full power of my verbal wrath towards all of Steem-kind for allowing such obvious filth to grow, while letting true quality shit-posts, like the one you're eagerly consuming this very moment, languish and die in an ever growing vault of unopened treasure-chests. For further enriching the already humongous defilers of the Steemosphere, without granting the creatively and intellectually superior small fish, like yours truly, their rightful share of the Reward Pool.
I'd hate to think there's no demand for intelligent works or real creative skills born of superior minds, that the Steem-scape has become so idiotic and degenerate as to embrace evident garbage over the many gems that can be found in it's fertile soil. Therefore I hereby call upon you, my fellow barer of real creativity and intelligence, to prove once and for all that we even surpass them in their own game and upvote this sh*t-post to the high heavens of Trending! It is time for us, the rightful rulers of the Trending page to take our place on the throne that was hijacked in a coup d'état so dark, that even the total absence of light is too bright to describe the color of the history pages it shall be engraved upon, or the shade of my mental complexion when thinking about it.
Be the light that's cast to combat the darkness in the shadows of the whales monopolizing our just spot on the summit of the Steem blockchain, and join my army of illuminated warriors by pledging your allegiance to sanity and good taste through the effortless action of clicking the "follow" button. Mark my words and spread the wisdom contained within by replicating this message across the Steem-verse through resteeming. Heed my warning and save Steemit from eternal darkness by upvoting this shining light of a sht-post all the way up the apex of shttyness on the Trending page.
For your efforts I will reward you with my never dying gratefulness, which is worth more than any upvote you will ever receive from any whale ever. And let this sh*t-post reaching unimaginable heights in the everlasting popularity contest called Steemit, reassure you that anyone who can write a post that actually is about nothing at all, just a string of words occasionally broken off by a well chosen superlative, insult or combination of those, you know, like this one, can make it to the top.
DISCLAIMER!
This post is, of course, meant to be a feeble attempt at being funny. In a way it's already out-dated because the post I'm talking about, by Jerry Banfield, has already dropped down to number ten or there-about on the TP; it took me two nights to assemble enough ways to insult... I'm just not that good at it I'm afraid. Also English is not my native language and I still lack time due to my off-chain life still being crazy. Although this post does contain some real critique about the general dynamics of quality, or lack thereof on the TP, my behaving like some future ruler of the blockchain was meant to be over-the-top, but a depiction of the average whales' selfish behavior nonetheless.
So, no personal insult of anyone, not even Jerry, was intended; I don't know him well enough to hold a grudge against him and let me assure you that the post in question has a lot more substance than the posts I target in this little fantasy-tirade. This post is supposed to be the sh*ttyest of them all. So, take the general criticism seriously but take the tone with a huge grain of salt. I was salty all the way through writing it ;-)
Also, I'm aware that with this post I throw myself somewhat at the mercy of the whales I target, for they have the power to make my life difficult here in Steemit. It will be interesting to see iif I get flagged despite the warning and disclaimer. If I do get flagged, then so be it; I will survive that too.
Although... wouldn't it be funny if this sh*t-post did end up somewhere near the top of the TP..? Hmmm...
As always, thanks for reading and see you all tomorrow!
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Just for Full Disclosure, I'm invested in these crypto-currencies:
Bitcoin | Litecoin | EOS | OmiseGo | FunFair | KIN | Pillar | DENT | Polymath | XDCE | 0x | Decred | Ethereum | Carmel | XYO