Funny Relationship Experience Challenge

I was very moody yesterday, maybe because it was the anniversary of my dad's demise. But today, as I woke up, a thought came to my mind; "Hey Sammy!!, do something to make some smile today". The truth is; putting smiles on people's faces is the true purpose and joy of being alive.

Okay; I would be doing it differently this time. I'll try to put smiles on your face, and you'll reciprocate by doing the same to others. So it would be in a form of challenge.

Note: This is just for the fun of it.

Rules of the challenge:

Write the funniest experience you've had in your past relationship. Try to make it very funny. You can spicen it up with some fictions too.
Use the #funnyexperience tag
Nominate 7 people to do the same

Here we go:

Have you ever heard of this popular adage?

To get to a man's heart; the access route is to prepare a plate of Jellof Rice and serve him with a bottle of chilled zobo.

Lol, very seriously, I just formed that adage. But if this adage becomes true, then I know someone that would never gain access to any man's heart. I would call her "Miss X" for some reasons. Here's my experience with Miss X.

Miss X had been one of the very few girls I admire a lot, but lacked the required nerve to approach her to even say "hi", so I was left at the mercies of just crushing on her. I mean, Miss X was blessed with an abundance of both "arse and class". And her neck-breaking "figure 8" made matters complicated.

Finally, I hustled up a borrowed courage and took a bold step to say "hi". And very amazingly, I got a "hello" in response, and that was how a relationship started. But I never knew what I was up against (seemed like some village devils were planning to use my picture as hand-fan).

Okay we started visiting each other as you would expect. But the job I had then never gave me the chance to be fully committed, as I worked from morning to night. I would say the least; but my former boss was related to someone worse than Hitler, lol. That made me not to cook at home, but gave in to eating just junks. Miss X noticed this and proposed to cook for me. "Halleluya!!" I shouted in my heart. She was going to cook Jellof rice for me. You can imagine the level of happiness I was in.

On the D-day, Miss X came over and hustled up some Jellof rice, and shorty, I was faced with a plate of rice. But; ladies and gentlemen; I don't know if I should call it "Jellof rice" or "Jellof war", because the first spoon I tasted sent missiles running down my stomach. The rice must have been inspired by the "dead sea", you could literally see salt floating on the food. Not to talk of the pepper that was enough to cook for the whole community.

Okay, I had to let that pass. Maybe she was just feeling a little bit tensed cooking; as this was her first time to cook for me. Now she offered to prepare "Pigeon pea pottage" (fio-fio) for me. This used to be the food I enjoy most until Miss X entered my life. Mehn, the pottage was like the "rock of Gibraltar". I mean, there were more stones than pigeon pea in the pottage.

That wasn't all. When I finally lost hope in Miss X was when I saw her using a sponge and soap to wash the beans she was going to cook at night. "Holy Lamb!!!" I screamed. At that moment, I made up my mind to take a moonwalk off her life.

But the question is, how do I tell Miss X that I have activated "Migration mode"? Maybe you can help me out.