A Rough Start
As I laid on the cold, wet mud looking through the sight of my rifle out into the valley, hearing gun shots in the distance getting closer and closer with every burst I thought to myself it cant get much worse than this... That was during my first deployment to Afghanistan in 2009, a lot has changed since then. Nowadays I wish I was back in a combat environment. Everything just seemed to fall into place and life was much simpler to deal with as a soldier back then. Everything in my life was where it should be. Although I was going through a long drawn out divorce, prior to leaving on deployment I had met an amazing young woman from Germany and she said that she would wait for my return. I was excited to know that I would be able to see someone I cared about upon coming back to the states. I had money in the bank, a nice house as well as a car and motorcycle that were paid off. More importantly I had a good job that I actually enjoyed very much.... That's however around the time things began to come undone for me.
Undone
I had been pretty good at suppressing certain emotions that caused me grief or heartache but there was a lot going on internally at the same that I wasn't consciously aware of. I was still mourning the loss of my relationship with my soon to be ex-wife. I began partying and drinking on the weekends and off days just prior to deployment to help cope and forget what was going on elsewhere in my life. I started to become more reckless in my social behavior and experiences with women simply trying to find that connection again that I had lost. That's when I met her... She was smart, funny, attractive and had a sexy accent! I knew deep down inside that this was not a relationship to last forever but I wanted someone... I needed someone at that time in my life to keep me connected to love, affection and my humanity. We began dating a few months before deployment and things were good. I enjoyed the time I spent with her and the sex was great! LOL But.... I always felt a bit empty though when I was with her no matter how hard I tried as if something was missing or closed off, in fact for years to come I'd feel empty with almost everyone I had a relationship with. It worried me.. is there something wrong with me? Why don't I feel what I know I should, or at least think I should? After some time I came to the conclusion that it was my marriage and divorce that were screwing with my thoughts as well as my emotions. It all came down to one word, Closure. My parents have been married for almost four decades now. That was the example in my mind to follow. No matter what difficulties are occurring or ups and downs there are in the relationship you fight and you keep going.. grabbing strength from the love you share for each other even if sometimes you may want to break each others skulls open. LOL
Closure
As one of its meanings as listed on Merriam-Webster "Closure" is defined as an often comforting sense of finality; also: something (as a satisfying ending) that provides such a sense. The largest problem in any man or woman's progression is letting go of the past in order to move into the future, "closure".This idea of closure being the end all remedy to all problems makes sense in my small knuckle dragging barbarian mind. You leave behind what drags you down by making sense of it however possible. This can be a applied to more than just relationships. In my past I slowly but surely became more and more overwhelmed with things I thought I couldn't control... The whole time though I actually could. I was unaware of the fact that I had the power to change all along.
Change Your Mind
Change your thoughts, change your life! Its such a simple phrase with such incredible possibilities if you do it. If you're stuck in a rut it might be because of how you're looking at the situation. Thinking positively and being optimistic is all that is needed to turn lead into gold. How you look at situations dictates how they are handled and how it affects you. You can either look at a bad situation like damn...why does god hate me.... I'm stuck...I'll never succeed or get out of this... or, you can look at a bad situation as an opportunity to prove your might to yourself and rise up. Problems are good in life because if you look at them as a challenge or an opportunity to become a better then all will be well. Change how you see problems, change how you think about yourself and change your outlook for the future and you're life. Be positive, say I love you when you can, give hugs, laugh and enjoy this life as often as you can. Tomorrow is not promised and today is a blessing. Leave the past where it should stay, in the past!
My Plan
My plan for myself and anyone that wishes to follow along is to be motivated and share the different steps i take to become the man i should be, not the man I was. I will be posting on daily activities to keep you motivated, proper diet suggestions, good books, exercise and daily motivationals to keep myself and others on their game. I will be moving shortly from the city of Nashville, TN to Ashland City, TN which is some serious country. I will be working daily as a K9 Trainer and living on property. My early mornings will be shared via Instagram and my Facebook page called "Skars and Stripes". I ask that you follow along and see the progress made in my spiritual and emotional journey forward towards bliss and content. I will be posting again in a few days on the physical and mental benefits of exercise. I will post a 30 day plan and show step by step my methods for a an incredible transformation. Follow me and enjoy journey with me.
Facebook: www.facebook.com/jason.nieves.125
Instagram: Greyrex80
Skars and Stripes: www.facebook.com/groups/1688616818068120/