Anal Probing + Mayhem = Awesome
its been 12 years since the launch of the first game in the series Destroy All Humans (DAL) and since then we have been trough another 2 games with our favorite sarcastic alien Cryptosporidium 137, or "Crypto" for short.
Remember a time when you could fire up that old PS2, anal probe some humans and wreck havoc with your UFO on human cities? Well i sure do, i remember old Orthopox 13 (Pox) always having funny back-and-forth comments with crypto, never leaving a dull moment in the game. I miss watching the humans run holding their butt with their hands after shooting them with my anal probe gun, eventually popping their head, exposing their brain for collecting.
Telekinetic Powers + Mind Reading = More Awesome
I remember when you could throw humans away with telekinetic powers & read the mind of cows, all while collecting brains of humans for research. I miss the feeling of getting my new disintegrator ray gun to then turn my enemies to ashes right on impact.
Pox would chill in the mother-ship, always ready to bring it down a UFO to let crypto pilot it. The death ray, which where the main weapon of the UFO would make entire buildings fall to the ground while all biological creatures disintegrate into the ether of nothing upon touch by the dreaded death ray.
Cows thoughts were mostly "MOOooOOo", which is not to interesting, but when starting to read the minds of humans you will find some real bizarre and funny thoughts. With everything from thinking about a sex-change operation to cheating husbands.
But Wait, What Was Even The Story Of This Game?
Alright lets do a quick recap of the previous games to get some idea of what a possible future story could look like.
First Game: Destroy All Humans!
Crypto-137 lands on earth after a previous cryptosporidium clone (crypto-136) has mysteriously disappeared on a mission. As Pox & Cryptos alien species need human brains to be able to continue to copy themselves, Pox sends another clone to earth in an effort to collect brains and try to figure out what happen to crypto-136 (you play crypto-137).
Well, go figure, a men-in-black type of organization called Majestic has of course killed your dear brother.
Majestic, lead by a figure called Silhouette is now trying to kill you instead. Bad choice for them, as the outcome of the first game ends with crypto defeating Majestic and Silhouette in an epic giant robot boss fight, to then take the skin of a human and become the president of the United States of America.
Second Game: Destroy All Humans! 2
10 years after Crypto became president, things have changed. Pox got killed by a nuclear missile hitting the mothership, fortunately he managed to upload his consciousness to a hologram, so basically he lives trough the hologram. You now play as Crypto-138, a Furon clone made with pure human DNA, thus being the first Furon in a long time to have genitals. This shows itself trough all the sex jokes he makes towards Natalya Ivanova, a KGB agent who helps crypto.
As the mothership is gone, Crypto is stuck on earth and have to fight to keep he´s lifestyle as is. This time though you also have to face another alien form called Blisks, an ancient enemy to the Furons who comes seeking revenge.
Crypto manages as always to kill the Blisks and pesky humans to hold his place on earth as the king he is.
Third Game: Destroy All Humans! Big Willy Unleashed
I actually never played this game as it only came to the WII console, which i don't have, but here is a quick recap from wikipedia.
"Big Willy Unleashed takes place after Destroy All Humans! 2 and before Path of the Furon. Crypto and Pox start a fast food restaurant that serves human meat from all the people Crypto has killed harvesting more Furon DNA. Later, their rival restaurant, Colonel Kluckin' (a parody of Colonel Sanders), discovers their secret, where upon Crypto must protect the restaurant with the Big Willy mascot mech."
Fourth Game: Destroy All Humans! Path of the Furon
After Crypto & Pox made a small fortune on their Big Willy restaurant, they opened a casino in fabulous Las Vegas. The casino is great as it gives them a stable income in human money, and a stable supply of human brains from the casino floor. While everything might sound great, Crypto is not happy though. He drinks to much alcohol, he's in a super bad mood all the time and just don't seem to have it in him to continue destroying humans. All of a sudden a mysterious voice pops up in Cryptos head telling him to go to the city of Shen Long, which he does and finds "The Master". The Master teaches crypto how to utilize his telekinetic powers to another degree, making it possible to stop and bend time itself. As Crypto walks on the Path of Enlightenment, a weird alien race called Nexosporidium warriors comes to attack, opening up a conspiracy theory from his old home planet. The game ends with Crypto being on the planet after defeating the Nexosporidium warriors.
Oh and yeah, "The Master" was not a friend, but rather the mastermind behind the whole alien enemy race thingy.
So What Next?
As we can see, there is a love to conspiracy theories in this game series, so a future game would probably be something about alien conspiracies (perhaps something with Area-51). The last game ended with Crypto being on his home planet, so perhaps some more story about his race the Furons and home planet would be a topic in a future game.
What ever the story of the game will be, one thing is sure, the humor will be exceptional as always if we get the same writers as from the old games. The awesome arsenal of alien weaponry and magical space abilities is sorely missed, i need another Destroy All Humans! in my life ASAP.
What I Love With Destroy All Humans!
The comedy and humor of the game (+ the characters).
Throwing cars and objects at humans with telekinetic powers. Using the PK ball ability takes multiple enemies and objects and lumps them together in one convenient ball to toss around.
Collecting human brains after destroying them.
Anal probing humans until their brains pop out.
Disintegrating humans to ashes in an instant.
Cause mayhem in entire cities with a vast artillery of alien weaponry on your UFO (using The Quantum Deconstructor, leveling entire city blocks is awesome).
Disguise yourself as any human in the world by body-snatching them and also read their minds, thus revealing their darkest secrets.
Electrocute enemies to death with your trusty ZAP-O-MATIC or blow up bigger things with your Ion Detonator.
Draw smiley-faces on buildings with the UFO's death ray.
Stopping time and making crazy scenarios play out when resetting time (like freezing time, put a car above a human, reset time, see the human get squished).
