A long time ago, we used to get our gaming news from magazines. They were these monthly book-like things that had news that was a few weeks old by the time a new issue hit shelves. But I loved them and had subscriptions to Video Games & Computer Entertainment, Electronic Gaming Monthly (or EGM as the cool kids called it), GamePro, Diehard Game Fan and Nintendo Power.
A source of amusement was the ads that were run in these magazines. It was plainly clear that many advertisers didn't really understand how to relate to gamers, especially in the awkward early 90's as more mature (by that I mean bloody) games started to hit the market as kids who grew up on the Atari and NES were entering their teenage years.
Here's a collection of memorable ads that were run in gaming magazines in the 90's to show how radically different marketing games was 25 years ago.
Power Clutch controller
What, does this controller unleash every kids inner Dr. Jeckyl? Is this implying he'll be tough enough to avoid getting shaken down for lunch money if he trains on this joystick? I have no idea.
Video Jukebox
This ad is offensive on pretty much every level. I just want to turn the page to get away from this Cronenburg-esque nightmare.
Pro Fishing Challenge
No amount of hot babes holding a fishing pole will ever give me the desire to play a fishing video game. The jab at the modestly-endowed sure doesn't help either.
Taito Game Contest
I would love to see this kid show up on Yo! MTV Raps. "Comin' at ya straight from the suburbs of Salt Lake City, lets bring on our contest winner Jason!"
Bill Lambeer's Combat Basketball
The only thing I can remember about Bill Lambeer is that somehow he managed to get his own game on the Super Nintendo. And it was futuristic fightin' basketball.
Pictionary
I've never seen a more obvious gathering of posers in my life. Its like, "How do we make Pictionary edgy? I know, let's put Grandma on a motorcycle and pretend the square in the back is in the same family with her, Corey Haim and Billy Idol."
Gargoyle's Quest
Don't get me wrong, this is a good game for the Game Boy, but don't you think you might be overselling it a bit with that headline? Just...just a smidge.
Gaiares
And we finally arrive at Gaiares, which has two cringe-worthy ads. How do you sell a game that nobody can pronounce? If anything, these ads scared people away from this game, which is why its probably a fairly rare and highly collectible game today. The guy with the mullet and skeezy stash is the opposite of a celebrity endorsement. I apologize if Jaime Bunker is reading this in 2017.
I do want that rad Gaiares t-shirt though.
