I fuck you not, this is not a joke or a parody but an actual Gamestop advertisement that Gamestop put out on multiple gaming websites:
And clicking on this add takes you straight to the Gamestop website. As for the bonus mission, it is entitled: “Secrets of the first pyramids”:
The description reads as follows:
What we have here is game content that has been purposely excluded by Ubisoft from the final game to basically create an incentive for gamers to pre-order the game before launch. And it seems Gamestop will receive a financial kickback for advertising this. This is a new low for the industry to blatantly and publically advertise anti-consumer practices out in the open without even blinking twice. These kinds of advertisements rub me the wrong fucken way, we now live in an era were practices like pre-order and day one DLC has become common practice and every game now has either microtransactions or a loot box system and other forms of greedy and predatory cash grabs. That they actually had the audacity to basically blackmail people into pre-ordering from them is astounding.
“Pre-order the game from us or you won’t get to play the bonus content” And then sugar coating it calling it: “Pre-order bonuses” when in fact when you are basically getting a piece of the game they purposely withheld from us to make more money out of us gamers. In layman terms, they are basically selling you a puzzle with 100 pieces in it but removing one piece telling you that if you pre-order it you will get the missing piece. If not then too bad, you know have an incomplete puzzle. Because well fuck you! A more apt term for this would be pre-order coercion and not a bonus. No matter how much you try and sugar coat a turd it will still stay a turd. So I have to ask who was the fucken genius who came up with this? Clearly, they need to be taken out back and shot.
Editorial Note:] And the irony in all of this? Right at the bottom of the ad, it states: “Gamestop: Power to the players” Well fuck Ubisoft and fuck Gamestop another franchise that is now dead too me due to corrupt business practices.