It's hot in Texas. But I had an idea and my dirt needed mowed. Alexa says the temp out is 95°F, heat index is 105°F. For Yankees and other non Americans, that's approximately 250°C.
It's hot out.
I'm currently laid up in bed. My fingers are cramping, neck is cramping, my back is cramping, and I'm typing super slow. But goddamnit, my humor is off the charts, so hang on.
I want to give you a step by step on how to turn your body into an organ slow cooker.
Step 1. Move to Texas. If you ain't here, get here. It's the best country in Northish America.
Step 2. Buy an oversized yard and an undersized mower.
Step 3. Wait til summer. July works good, but if you like your liver well done, August is hellacious.
Step 4. About two days before you're sick of your wife griping about the dead grass being too tall, read this post about something useful for lawn clippings by 
Step 5. Mow like mad.
Step 6. Drink water. I'm working now on my 6th quart as I'm in bed. A quart is about a liter for Yankees and other non Americans. If you stop sweating, it's too late, take your ass inside before you die.
Step 7. Know you're too hot already.
Step 8. Grab the rake and rake up the rest into the place you want your new bed because you want it done and don't want to go back outside for months because you're already too hot and you know you're not gonna be any use out in the heat again for a while. If done right, this will take a good bit of time because your arms and shoulders are cramping.
Step 9. Be done. Go inside. It'll be somewhat hard to talk more than a few words, so say "water" a lot. Drink the hell out of some more water, and take a cold shower, fast. Cause hyperthermia is no fucking joke and will kill the shit out of you. Keep drinking. water.
Don't mow in Texas in the summer.
The end result of following all the steps in this guide is this:
About 3x20 feet long. I'll probably move it in a couple months. It's in a place that had a lot of clover this spring. It's also in the shade. So I'm expecting it'll do well when we plant.
This fall I think we'll try carrots again. I don't want to give up on them. As well as broccoli and spinach.
That's all for now, I'm gonna finish this water and take a nap. Sundays are for napping. Stick around for an update on the A/C garden experiment.
Stay alive. Stay hydrated. Stay relevant.
Nate