Prologue: I am convinced that we, as humanity, should be very grateful to the individuals among us who explore their sexual orientation. They allow us to face other sides of our sexuality and understand that our identity is more than a physical body. But most of all, they are bringing to the fore issues that have been buried for too long. Concepts that have caused humanity to feel shame and guilt are now being cleared. This process is tedious, long, painful and provocative. However, it is necessary.
In this post I am suggesting one possible psychological explanation for the emergence of certain sexual orientation. By this, I hope the readers can understand that sexual orientation is a choice, that they are not victims, that it serves a purpose, and that there is no shame or guilt in what they feel or choose, even if it is out of the (current) norm.
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
Hi,
I am confused about my sexuality. You see, I am a very good looking 26 years old woman. I have always been attracted to men but lately, I find myself being aroused by females. Although it surprised me at first, when I began to think about it I realized that there has always been a part of me that liked women. I just didn’t let it out for fear of being not normal.
What is going on with me? Am I a lesbian? Does that make me not normal?
Thank you so much,
Ashley
Ashley,
In a nutshell, you are in the process of integrating your feminine and masculine energies which brings to the fore hidden issues that you have either buried deep inside or have chosen not to deal with. Congratulate yourself for being on the fast track towards your divinity!
Sexual orientation is, like everything else, a matter of choice. Yes! You read it right. It is not a destiny that you were born with and now have to deal with for the rest of your life. It is not something that your parents have inflicted on you through their actions. It is a choice. Your choice. And you make that choice every moment.
Because it is your choice you can see now that the question of normality is solely up to you! Who decides what is normal and what is not? Only you! So if you want to categorize your sexual orientation under the title “not normal”, then fine. Ultimately it really does not matter.
Photo by Julie Johnson on Unsplash
Homosexuals and heterosexuals are equally loved and cherished because they are human beings.
A scenario of choice
So, you may wonder how sexual orientation is chosen? Well, often it happens at an early age, indirectly. I will describe a common scenario that you may find relevant to your situation.
As a young girl, you had a strong male figure around you. It might have been your father, your older brother, a close teacher or someone else that influenced you a lot. What mattered was that a man’s love and appreciation were important to you and you needed it, sought it and asked for it. This male figure was a strong person who people admired and followed, including you.
However, his love was not given to you, either because he was not physically present or was not emotionally available to you. The actual reason is not so important.
Living near that person, who you loved very much and wanted to be appreciated by, caused ambiguous feelings. On the one hand, you feared him and were intimidated by his firm male presence because as a young girl you (justly) perceived yourself as a female who stands in opposition to the other side, which was the man. On the other hand, you desperately desired his love and reassurance. His distant behavior and inaccessibility made him even more appealing to you.
You used your femininity to draw this man’s attention and love (and mind you, when I say ‘femininity’ I don’t necessarily refer to its erotic aspect), but when you didn’t succeed you developed a resentment towards this male figure. You began to believe that men and masculine energy are not available to you at all. It is a belief that turned with time into a rooted perception that crafted your reality.
You tried harder, using all your feminine abilities but that only made things worse because it didn’t address your fear of the strong masculine energy.
Something interesting began to happen. You felt inside that your femininity had failed you because it did not function properly to bring the love you sought. From the outside, the world saw mostly that femininity and treated you accordingly. THAT confused you even more and made you resent your physical body which was your outside expression to the world. You felt inside that your physicality impeded your goal, namely to receive love from the archetypal male figure (when you grew up that “male figure” was embedded in boyfriends, colleagues etc).
Therefore, the solution that you came up with was to abandon your femininity and to develop your masculine side. “If I can’t win them (men and their love) with the tool of my femininity I will join them and become one of them”, you thought. You began to adopt and exhibit more of your natural masculine traits: aggression, (false/external) power, rudeness, intolerance, impatience etc. This was your (distorted) way of interpreting masculine energy.
Consequently, the male essence that you began to integrate within influenced the natural balance of your hormones until you found yourself attracted to women.
Add to that the fact that your suppressed femininity cried out for your attention and you will understand the battle that goes on inside. Fortunately for you, your physical beauty has kept you balanced and served as a reminder that you are still a woman! Do you see the irony? That same femininity that you attempted to hide has actually served as your best friend.
Photo by Chris Johnson on Unsplash
Now, what to do?
First and foremost, you must accept both aspects, the masculine and the feminine. You do that by understanding that you are more than a body, a mind or a living organ with sexual desires; You do this by loving yourself and looking at yourself with the loftiest vision possible.
Straight or Lesbian - it's fine. It's loveable. You are loveable. But it would not help to tell you that unless you accept it as your own truth.
Nourish your femininity and embrace your masculine aspect. Yes, you read it right. You do not have too much masculine energy. You simply have twisted ideas of what masculine energy is. Therefore, it’s time you observed it carefully and saw it for what it is.
Man is here to serve the woman
Two natural streaming forces lie inside and, when allowed, express themselves beautifully. Your femininity wants to be nourished and you know how to do it. There is not much work here. Your masculinity wants to come up and service that femininity. Therefore speak to your latent masculine aspect. Do not be afraid of it. Make friends with it. Love it. It is a part of you. It only wants the best for you, the feminine. Be assertive without aggression; be compassionate without judging; be focused without the mind chatter; be masculine in a way that is balanced with your magnificent femininity.
Once you complete that integration and your electromagnetic field is balanced, you will be able to choose how to express your sexuality. I will tell you a secret; you will then find someone who is balanced like you, and together you will experience sexuality and life in ways you cannot imagine now.
Good luck and much love!