Hey guys, it's Dan and I'm really excited to write this, I feel like it is something that's close to my heart and I feel like it's something that a lot more people probably deal with. They just don't all talk about it for fear of sounding crazy or wondering how other people might react. But I'm at a place in my Life where I really want to help people find hope and if that means being vulnerable I'm perfectly fine with that.
So anxiety is something that if you've never experienced it can be very difficult to explain. It takes hold of your mind and paralyzes you, you can't think, you can't reason with yourself, you have no idea what's going to happen or how long it will last. It temporarily makes you feel insane and with no real sense of when it will fade. The longest anxiety attack I've had lasted months. I've never been a depressed person and I never thought I'd get to this point in my life. Where literally I had lost all hope.
This particular story starts when I was living in upstate New York. I was working 2 jobs that I absolutely hated, drinking tons of caffeine and alcohol and not really taking care of myself. I was busy all the time managing work, church and a relationship, and honestly I felt very on top of everything. I do remember when I actually snapped. Or at least it felt like I snapped. I was at work and I was standing there and I just felt.. afraid. Like I was disconnected from reality. Nothing felt real and I wasn't sure why it was happening. I finished my shift and went home. At the time I was living with a friends family. I ate dinner, watched tv. But nothing seemed to help. I went to bed terrified and woke up and it was right there. The fear... never left and it felt just as bad. I continued to work my job, go to church and I continued my life as nothing was wrong. But something definitely was. I kept praying to God that he would heal me. For a while nothing really worked. And at times I felt completely doomed to a life of total misery. To this day I'm amazed that I got threw it. But I guess that's the power of God (if you believe in that) I'm writing this today to say that Yes I still deal with anxiety and yes I still have trouble dealing with reality sometimes. But it is no where near as bad as it was and I've gotten to a place where I feel very hopeful for my future again and life seems precious and beautiful and I'm so thankful that I didn't do anything crazy like end it.
I believe with all my heart that no matter how bad your life may appear, it's not over. No matter how bad. If you have air in your lungs, there is hope for you. Just remember this.
"I trust in God. He has everything under control. I may not understand why or how and I'm ok with that. Because right now all I need to do is trust."