Making plans without God, being pulled by your busy mind into the
world, and coming back into a reunion with God from the perspective of
someone who practices non-denominational spirituality.
Having a relationship with God can be difficult, I can only speak from
my personal experience. The unnatural world is designed to distract us
from God. I lived my life as an agnostic from the point when I was
able to contemplate such things up until a handful of days before my
29th birthday two years ago this July. I was met by God very suddenly
and unexpectedly in my home. I'd spent the previous year grieving the
loss of my best friend who took his own life, going through a terrible
drinking binge, and then turning my life around entirely. I quit
eating meat, stopped drinking, and quit smoking. I was in the midst of
my first fast, a juice fast. I had a persistent question nattering in
my mind from the moment I'd woken up that morning. It was a persistent
thought that I didn't feel had originated from myself, much like an
annoying pop song stuck in the head. It was, "What came first, the
chicken or the egg?". I went about my business making juice and
cleaning up trying to put the question out of my mind, but it wouldn't
budge an inch from bouncing back and forth between my ears. So I sat
down, slammed my palms on the table asked aloud "why is this question
dogging my every thought today, what is up with this??". With my
acknowledgment of the question, immediately it shifted to this
question, " what came first, matter or God/Spirit". As soon as those
words entered my mind and without a chance to "humour the question", I
felt as though I'd been struck by a bolt of lightening. In that
instant I was completely engulfed in an overwhelming, all encompassing
feeling of absolute unconditional love and a white light that poured
over me like a warm syrup. I was practically being drown in this
feeling to the point of sputtering for my breath. It all came with a
download of information directly into my mind about my worth, and
uniqueness, and importance, and that this was a joyous reunion long
awaited. My spirit was truly born then and there and I found myself in
direct communion with God. When I came back to "reality", I found that
I was hugging myself with tears streaming down my face and all I could
think was "oh my God" over and over and accompanied joy and
fulfillment I'd never before known or thought possible. My life was
flipped upside down...or right side up, either way it surely was never
going to be the same again. I knew something, I didn't just believe, I
now knew God.
The following half-year it was so easy to live every moment in the
palm of God's hand. I began to notice synchronicity occurring all
around me, and things I would hope for would just show up in my life.
Sometimes, literally on the side of the highway on my way home. People
I would talk to were walking away feeling warmed and with a smile on
their faces. I seemed to just know exactly what to say to lift the
people around me. The following six months, I was walking on a cloud.
I was in complete and total love with God, and nothing could sway me
from this knowledge or feeling. After some time my glow was tempered
and my mind began to busy itself without me really noticing what was
happening. I'd practiced meditation since I was a teenager and tried
to regain my center that way noting that there had been some shift in
my feelings. Slowly but surely I was following my mind to places God
hadn't directed me to go. I thought I was doing good acts, but every
good deed I did had punished me harshly and I couldn't understand why.
I thought I was doing "godly" things. The problem was, I'd stopped
consulting God, but continued to talk and move on his behalf. The mind
has away of pulling you into it's many stories and eventually, your
feet follow. It doesn't matter that you were led to help someone out
of sympathy, if God did not direct you, it is not your job to do. I
wondered how in the heck all my relationships within my family were
turning to ashes in front of me when all I was trying to do was help
everyone. I gave my brother my home outright. I moved to another town
to help care for my grandparents. However, none of it had God truly
been involved in, I decided it was the "right" thing to do all by
myself. What I didn't realize at the time was that when I make
decisions on my own, no matter how good they look or sound, I may be
interfering with a delicate work that God is doing with the person I
am running to "save". God does the saving, I can do nothing in my own
power without him for anyone including myself. I learned this the hard
way and experienced much loss over a year's time. I would shoot the
occasional prayer out to the Universe, out to God, out to Spirit, but
I wasn't making God my central focus and asking for guidance and
confirmation everyday. I became quite lost in my emotional wilderness
and quite alone as I'd lost contact with my loved ones after trying so
hard to rescue them from their own lives. God was still speaking and
moving in my life, but I wasn't giving my attention over. I'd placed
Spirit on the back burner and continued to follow my busy mind
planning this or that. Well, God is jealous, but not in the same way
as human beings. God requires to be your central focus so that He may
guide your steps in the oh-so subtle works that are constantly being
preformed by Him. We have a very tiny, small perspective, only one
little viewpoint of that which is all-knowing. It is equally as
difficult to describe how infinitesimal our one perspective each is as
it would be to try and describe infinite nature of God. When we take
matters into our own hands we could be interfering in years, if not a
lifetime worth of works done by God to bring someone to a certain
point even if they appear to be in distress. God is the only one you
knows exactly where everyone is at and what they require to make their
next step in their individual evolution. I realize this now. God has
recently gotten my attention and given me this lesson as well as some
others (another story). I learned that things will be taken away by
the Universe if you place their importance above the importance of God
in your life, or if you attach your identity to them or the
fulfillment of some goal. Delicate is the work of God and if you can
hear him, firm your attention must remain. Now I know that all must be
through him otherwise it is in folly and vanity. Sometimes the soul is
strengthened through pain and this is also a part of God's mercy. It
must sound ridiculous to someone who hasn't yet reunited with God, but
you can know that there is no sweeter place to be than in the palm of
God's hand whether in suffering or joy. Which we all are, but to
become aware of such a thing is truly good beyond description.
*Sorry for referring to God as "Him/He", but I consider the soul and
Spirit of man to be the bride and God, the God the groom and we become
married once again with God as we were previous to entering our
present lives. This is just the concept of masculine and feminine
which is different from how we see and understand (or lack thereof)
gender on Earth. Truly God is All and contains All and couldn't be
described by one gender or another, but for the sake of writing about
such things I will use He and Him and refer sometimes to the human
Soul or Spirit in the feminine. I also use the words
God/Universe/Spirit interchangeably, there truly is no name for God,
but these are close enough, though I believe God extends far beyond
this one Universe.
Also, just saying, God would prefer anarchy because we should have no
authority over us but Him, and all He wishes for us is to be
completely free of the laws of man and all the judgements of man, and
to be completely joyful and in a harmonious state. When you love God
completely and are focussed on the vertical, there is no way anything
of the Earthly plane can budge your joy, euphoria and contentment.
Nothing of the world has ownership over you when in God's hand, and
all he does with you there is love you with such tenderness as you've
never known. We are all God's children and he waits for so long, so
patiently for our return.