Dear J.
Today was a good day. Or was it? I attended class, used a recipe I haven’t used in years and listened to God's word. So what problem did I have with today? The same one I've had with a lot of days over the years.
I like girls J. I know that. You know that. Everybody knows that. I love to sit next to them. To talk to them. To make them smile. I love to know that the things I do makes them happy. I love to text them anytime, anywhere and know they'll reply. I love to touch them. To kiss them. To take them to heights that no one else ever can. I love all these things. Or at least I used to.
When I got to know you J, really know you, I promised I'd let go of all of that. But is it really that easy. Can a leopard just suddenly change its spots? I don't know. Maybe it's easier for a leopard to change its spots than it is for me to completely extricate myself from all I used to know. And why’s this so? I know you know J, but I'll tell you all the same.
The fact that you don't call them doesn't mean they won't call you. The fact that you don't go to see them doesn't mean they won’t come to see you. The fact that you won't kiss them doesn't mean they won't try to kiss you. The fact that you decided to change doesn't mean they did too.
It’s worse for ones like me who had a girlfriend. What do you say to her? How do you extricate yourself from her and not hurt her? How do you tell her about the change in your life without looking like a fool? How do you do all of that?
And then to the most important question of all. How do you stop yourself from lusting after what you see? Because you will see. You will definitely see.
How did you do it J? I've always wondered. Did Jewish women ever flirt with you? Did the loose ones ever offer their bodies to you? Did you ever have an erection? Be it from lust or just a natural physiologic reaction. Did you?
Maybe I need to find out more first. Because these questions are very important to me. Will I ever get the answers J? I hope I will. For now... Have yourself a good night J.
Your Lustful Son
Henry Crown
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