I really need someone's help. This is no joke. Who out there can help me? After two letters threatening to open an investigation into my place of residence, a notice has arrived today alleging that one has in fact been initiated.
I should clarify that I do not need assistance in getting out of this situation. I only need help understanding how anyone could be so stupid as to submit to the bullshit in this letter. For anyone else who may receive one of these, I would like to break it down and expose it for what it is.
Let's start at the very beginning.
Fun fact: Did you know that if you write words in red whilst everything else is in black, it makes the words look more important and "scarier?" Clearly whomever designed this letter knows it. I also wonder why the word official is necessary in this sentence. If it was an unofficial investigation, there'd be no letter, therefore, I can only presume that the word has been added as a means of emphasizing the word "warning," and implying that there is some omnipotent authority behind this investigation. Well, it's not an authority I recognise, and neither should you.
To the Legal Occupier,
This is an official warning that we are carrying out an investigation of your address, We have asked you to contact us several times, but you have not responded. There is still no record of a TV License at this property.
Another fun fact. Whenever a letter begins with the words "To the legal occupier", it is likely nothing more than spam. It is a copy and pasted template that went out to thousand and thousands of homes in the hopes that some will be silly enough to buy into their bullshit. It's really no different from how an email phishing scam works. They don't expect everyone to fall for that shit, but they still make their money's worth if a fraction of the recipients do.
It is a criminal offence to watch or record live TV programmes on any channel, or to download or watch BBC programmes on iPlayer unless you have a TV License.
This is an interesting sentence only because it implies that one is exempt from the need for a TV-license if they are either deaf, or close their eyes when they turn the TV on. Perhaps this post will provoke a revision of their spam template.
How you can stop this investigation
Buy a license.. bla bla.. You can choose the payment option that suits you best.
How generous to allow me to pay to have my opinions shaped by propaganda, in any way I choose! I have recently started experimenting with fecal matter as a potential currency, so I shall use that option, as it suits me best.
Here's the good bit..
If we don't hear from you, our Enforcement Division will schedule a visit. Should the investigation find that you're watching, recording, or downloading TV illegally, you could be prosecuted. The maximum penalty is a £1000 fine plus any legal costs and/or compensation you maybe ordered to pay.
LOL.
If we don't hear from you, our Enforcement Division will schedule a visit.
Will you? Considering it is I who lives here, shouldn't it be me who schedules a visit? You can schedule away all you like, but it doesn't mean that I am going to open the door or even pause the TV(lol) to see who is knocking. This is a bullshit claim.
you could be prosecuted.
Could. Interesting. Not will be prosecuted. I wonder why that is...
The maximum penalty is a £1000 fine plus any legal costs and/or compensation you may be ordered to pay.
Haha. This is another silly attempt at a threat. If someone sends you a fine for £1000, or for £1,000,000, you simply put it in the bin and move on with your life. What are they going to do, send you another fine for not paying the fine? Lol. Fuck 'en.
you may be ordered to pay.
Lol. Ordered to pay.
The letter ends with a P.S message.
P.S. If you have recently bought a TV license, thank you. You do not need to reply to this letter.
I love how they add that sentence on the end as if it is in anyway related to the prior sentence. The simple fact is...
You do not need to reply to this letter.
But, put it right after that sentence and it implies that you do need to unless you bought a license. Clever cunts, aren't they?
People. Stop paying for silly shit. The day we all decide to stop caving in to intimidation is the day that they stop trying to steal our money so that they can use it to make TV and Radio that makes us dumber. Though, then they would just have to raise taxes so that they still have the funding for their propaganda.
On a more serious note....
Resteem to share this lesson with your followers.
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