I would like to share a story about why I have no sympathy for cheaters. My father began his first affair when I was 9 years old. As is usually the case it absolutely devastated my mother. I was the oldest of three siblings. I watched as my mother fell completely apart, she stopped going to work stopped making sure the house was clean and there were days she wouldn’t even get out of bed. I learned how to make soup out of a can and make macs and cheese for my two younger siblings so we could eat. I remember sitting on the edge of my mother’s bed while she sobbed uncontrollably patting her on the back and hugging her. All the while not really even understanding what she was really going through. All I knew was that my dad had walked out the door to be with my best friends mother. The only thing he left behind was a note. I watched as my mother grabbed a shotgun and tried to kill herself with it in the front yard at two in the morning. She couldn’t do it because I had the foresight to make sure there were no bullets in the house. I took the shotgun out of her hands and told her it would be OK. I dealt with the resentment my two younger siblings had for me because I had been able to spend more quality time with my father than they had because he abandoned them at such a young age. We all persevered my mother slowly began to heal, it took years and I can still see her pain show through from time to time twenty eight years later as she watches me struggle through my own dealings with infidelity.
Before I even truly knew what love was outside the context of family, I promised myself I would never cheat on any partner I was with. It’s a promise I have kept to this day. When I married my ex wife she knew all these things about my childhood. She herself had dealt with the abandonment of her father under similar circumstances albeit at a much younger age. We made vows that if we grew apart we would walk away with our dignity intact without involving another party.
Last spring something changed in her behavior and of course she blamed me. I took complete credit for my shortcomings I had become to complacent I spend more time worrying about how I was going to pay the bills our sex life was suffering because I had given up on her after realizing that I had to always be the one making advances to get her in bed with me. I wasn’t doing all I could to help take care of the kids and her emotional needs were not being met.
Then the cheating began, at first innocently as an emotional affair with a guy she met at the park were she took our kids to play. I caught on quickly, I confronted her. It all went downhill from there before it was all said and done she involved three other men, two of the four were married. One was a self proclaimed devil worshiper who’s own brother had stolen his wife from him. The last is a raging alcoholic who is currently in treatment.
If she wanted to end our marriage she could have done so without involving so many others. This has just reinforced my beliefs about how damaging cheating is to families as I watch my two young children deal with the breakup of our family. I have been forced to grieve the loss of my wife just as if she had actually passed from this earth. The damage cheaters cause is insurmountable and the ripples it causes are like a stone that has been tossed into a lake spreading to all corners of what was once a family.
I know this post is long but I truly felt like sharing with all you fine people. I hope your day is good take small steps to walk out of the darkness until you are able to see the light at the mouth of the cave. Remember that someday you will no longer need to take small steps you will be able to run.