I try not to post too much personal stuff on Facebook because it's such a fake platform and people use it as a popularity contest. So, since I'm here on Steemit I just wanted to offer my story & my views on the whole business of grief. I guess I kind of hope that some people will be able to relate to me and send me some replies.
Unfortunately, I've had to say goodbye to three very important family members in my life. One of which was my father, who died at the age of 61. I was a caregiver for all three of them while they struggled with illness & disease. Whatever the reason...fate, genetics, poor dieting, ineffective treatments, etc....it doesn't really matter and I won't go into that aspect of it. When someone dies...most people are well-meaning and they'll try to assist you during hard times. Some people are selfish pricks and that sucks too. But of all the advice from family, friends & religious leaders... the books from various authors, the step by step programs, the grief therapy offered by groups...it's all bullshit. I'm sorry to say that. Some of it does help...mildly...but largely it's all bullshit because in the USA we're so terrified of death that we don't know how to deal with it. We push it to the side and avoid it just like sending our old people to homes when we don't want to deal with them anymore.
There's only one thing that truly helps when someone close to you dies. And that is time. You can go through the stages of shock, depression, anger and disbelief. You can make yourself charts and set goals to alleviate your fluctuating emotions....but the bottom line is that someone that you loved is gone and will never return again in this life. Even if you're super spiritual and believe in the unseen realms of the dreamworld, prayer, faith or contacting spirits....it doesn't matter. That physical presence. The ability to speak with, and hang out with and form future memories with someone you love...is not possible anymore.
Time flies. Time passes you by and slowly you start to forget. You forget the pain of missing them because life is busy. You become preoccupied. As each year goes by you forget about it more and more. But it always comes back around. You'll see an old photo or hear a song and it'll hit you. You'll always love them. You'll always miss them. You'll always wish for what could have been. You'll always long for just one more day with them. And if you say, 'that's just depression talking', 'you can't think like that', 'you must move on properly'.....bullshit. There's no proper way to move on from death. You can't avoid it and delude yourself that it's a passing thing like having a cold. And you can't just put yourself back together and be exactly who you were. You have to move forward and make it work somehow...as a new person.
My Father didn't get to see me turn 30. I will never get to call him up and tell him I'm getting married. Or having a kid. Or even...something small like getting a new job. I'll never hug my Grandma again. I'll never watch Austrian movies with my Great Aunt again. And that sucks.
I know I'll see my father again one day, along with other loved ones, in whatever life exists after this one. I'm not looking for pity. I'm a fairly private person and I like to work out my problems on my own when possible. It's been several years and I've already gone through the hard times. And I know that a lot of people have had hard times as well so I don't invalidate them nor myself. But since this is a community....I figured I'd just give it a shot to see how many like minds there are regarding this issue.
If you've dealt with death like I have. Your family members. Your friends. Whoever. Listen to well meaning people. Read the books. Do your best to move forward. But know that....it's ok to still be sad about it. It'll be ok to be sad about it forever. And it's ok to figure it out on your own and find out what works for you. That's just life. That's a part of life that all too often we avoid. Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows. You just gotta move on, take those bouts of sadness when they come, hold on to those good memories and do the best that you can.
And hey....I'm a goofball so....at least I've still got humor.
Thanks for reading.
-Joe