My man - yes - is gorgeous.
He is so handsome, actually, I almost had a heart attack the first time I saw him, and he was just walking down the street. He looks like a 6’3’’ Chris Hemsworth with the eyes of Leonardo DiCaprio (but you can insert anyone guy you find hot right here). Proust famously said "I leave beautiful women to men without imagination". I guess I am a woman without imagination. Also, Proust was queer as a three dollar bill. But I digress.
I only met him 3 years after this episode, and for the first 6 months, I would lose my words, I would have to pinch myself repeatedly, all the while trying to "play it cool". Even today, after more than 3 years together, I sometimes look at him in utter disbelief - how has THIS man chosen ME?! I mean, I am not ugly, but nowhere near his "level". He had people ask him to model in the street, to run for beauty contests, and oh, the women!
Actually, this part has not been fun. It was the first time in my life I had to deal with frontal, open female hostility and competition - from occasional almost exes of his, or just women who swoon when they see him. Sisters, I TOTALLY get that you swoon over him. Hell, I do. But the snarky once over at ME - this has to stop. The "YOU are with HIM???" also.
Funnily enough, his exes are far from beauty queens, and the women he considers beautiful, I don’t. He doesn’t think I’m pretty myself. What a strange piece of information. He loves me more than anyone else, is attracted to me, finds me sexy, funny, charming, a great turn-on... but not pretty. As a woman, it’s a strange hit, one you don’t expect from your boyfriend, and yet one you realize you can live with, after all.
The thing that truly surprised me, after the initial waves of female hostility, was another kind of subtle judgment, from girlfriends this time. "Well I don’t date men simply because they’re handsome. I have to love their soul", I was told primly, over and over. And there I think we have a gender squeak.
Men have no problem saying they’re attracted to women for their looks. Actually, this information is a bit TOO LOUD most of the time. But us? We’re supposed to love in a "pure" way, apparently - loftily disregarding appearance and physicality. How on earth did that happen? Maybe we don’t want to spread the diktats we’re under to the other sex? Maybe we want to keep our gorgeous hunks hidden under less palatable looks for fear of other women? Maybe we pretend sex doesn’t matter? Maybe we don’t want to seem superficial?
I have no idea. I sometimes feel like the dude in the relationship, showering my partner’s with starry-eyed compliments, while he graciously takes them in. Meanwhile, yes, sex is awesome because I still desire him so much - with all previous partners it tended to fade. And I have never been afraid of being superficial in my life - I am simply not.
Imagine if all women could have sex with Brad Pitt, or whoever rocks your boat. Wouldn’t you go for it? Wouldn’t you feel it is a potentially exquisite and special experience (if the lover is present and loving too)? Wouldn’t you open more than you ever thought possible? Wouldn’t you take your chance?
Well, I’m goddam happy I took mine. And I certainly recommend raising the bar, AND sisterhood too, while we’re at it...