I haven't been able tol write until today with all the organising from the move and settling into where I'll be for a while.
In 5 days I've made some wonderful friends for life and met some beautiful people. I'm meditating every day. I'm exercising at 6am each day. The sounds of the geckos and crickets are so soothing.
There's snakes, spiders and scorpions and cockroaches here. I've had a horrendous phobia of insects my whole life. For the first time I can let them share my space and not want them dead. That's a violation of my values and hypocritical. I can't be vegetarian and decide certain sentient beings can live (cute puppies, a cow that's never harmed me etc) whilst others "I" don't like should be killed. There is no I to decide whether or not to take a life anyway. There is no better animal or less better animal.
I'm at more peace I've been my whole life. I can concentrate. I feel a sense of continued inner peace and all I want to do is share it with the beautiful people I'm meeting. My mind isn't being pulled one way or another non stop any more. Things just are. Whether they are good, bad, right, wrong is meaningless to me. I don't feel depressed and suicidal anymore.
I can only describe this as being on lsd 10 years ago. Grounded and connected with nature seeing beauty everywhere.
I can stop many negative thought patterns arising and when they do see them instantly as little dots and let them go and return to what I was doing.
My sense of longing for something has gone. I'm no longer bored, drowsy, agitated or restless.
Kindness and Metta to you from Thailand
Do something nice for yourself today. You deserve it.
xx