The journey of self-discovery, self-mastery, and self-healing is surely a long one, with many highs and lows, periods of flowing & rapid transformation balanced periods of challenge and confusion. One of the biggest pieces of continuing to do the work through all of this (and feeling good the whole way), is the practice of not judging ourselves for where we are right now.

What's been up for me

Since the end of 2017, I've been feeling a distinct lack of clarity about how I should be moving forward, which facets of myself should be my main focus... who I am. When I started my life of trust & travel, I set clear intentions of self-healing and service to others, and had no per-conceptions of how that would unfold. I just trusted in my guidance, and following the flow of excitement & pushing my edges, and things grew exponentially. I can't even count how many things I've done since then that I would never even have considered before, or how many times I've had an experience that I would then describe as "the most healing experience of my life".

Somewhere along the way, things became a little more rigid; I began to identify with being a traveling vegan chef, I started making plans many months in advance for things, and I even let my mind make the decisions a few times (never a good idea). This year, I've worked to get back to more of a flow state in general, and I've been pursuing more and more practices/events/groups that feel aligned with my own self-care & healing over just being of service. I've let myself rest more than I have... maybe ever.

In the last month or so, this flux has been especially pronounced. I've been sleeping more, I decided not to go to Rainbow, I've basically been ghosting everyone via phone/email/comments, and I've been DOing very little. I've had more days without posting to Steemit in the last month than the 6 months before that combined. I'm doing my best to just be with these things, to not beat myself up about it, and pushing myself to reach out and apologize to people for my lack of availability. This has felt like a strong practice in & of itself, as I have some old, long-standing patterns of ghosting on people when I've said or done something that I didn't want to deal with, and it always feels good to do the opposite of old patterns.

The biggest challenge, and the thing that feels like it's causing my lack of drive & energy, is a greatly decreased sense of knowing what to do next, what my role is. I know I'm here to work on myself, to heal & connect, to support the paradigm shift, to live in joy & gratitude. I know that abundance flows to me always, I have hundreds of amazing humans who I love, and I know that there is nothing I'm not capable of if I decide to do it... I also have very little clarity around what I should be doing next, what role I should be playing, what I want now.

Also, after charging headfirst into some powerful healing opportunities over the past weeks & months, I've also found myself sort of avoiding/side-stepping other ones. It feels like this is coming from being sort of emotionally/energetically overwhelmed, but I don't know for sure. It doesn't feel great when I see where that's happened, but it's another opportunity to practice non-judgement :-)

Quotes on the subject

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” ~ Buddha

“When we struggle to change ourselves we, in fact, only continue the patterns of self-judgement and aggression. We keep the war against ourselves alive.” ~ Jack Kornfield

“Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well.” ~ Naya Rivera

“It is easier to overcome people’s judgments than to overcome our own self-judgment.” ~ Arianna Huffington

“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.” ~ Fred Rogers

“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.” ~ Parker Palmer

Some Affirmations

One of the things that I have found to be extremely helpful with all forms of re-programming my brain is the use of mantras & affirmations. The repeated reading/speaking of a particular phrase is an extremely powerful way to imprint a new belief system in your brain. I especially find the act of writing flash cards, then reviewing and reading off those flash cards, to be extremely potent.

Personally, I've really enjoyed using music as part of my mantra work. When I first really started on this path about 5 years ago, one of the first things I did was to delete all of my old music, and only keep songs with words that I would want to be repeating to myself. Throughout this post, I've included various songs that feel resonant with what I've been processing and what I'm writing about in this moment.

Here are some affirmations to help dissolve self-judgement:

"I am worthy of unconditional love."
"I increase my energy by choosing to love rather than judge. I expand my energy by giving love, receiving love, and promoting love."
"I am open and receptive to all the Universe has to offer me without limits, restrictions, judgment or criticism."
"I accept myself for who I am without judgment or criticism."
"I honor the essence of who I am, as my Light shines brightly for all the world to see."

Releasing & Opening

Thank you all for tuning into this episode of What's Going on with Kenny :-P The act of sharing my struggles & process with all of you has proven to be a powerful part of my experience for some time now, and I am so very grateful for this space!

I am ready to release all beliefs, habits, identities, people, or anything else in my life that is not in my highest good, that is not in alignment with the most whole, healthy, love & joy-filled version of all that I AM. I surrender to the highest healing from the highest healers; I surrender to the eternal guidance & support of my Self & Source; I surrender to the flow.

I am opening myself to support, guidance, healing, and connection. I am asking for the help of my soul tribe, my guides, my teachers, and all those walking this path, doing this work, whether in physical form or not.

I am letting myself rest as much & as long as my body asks for, while gently nudging towards spaces of healing & connection. Over the last few days I've been plugging back into Meetup.com, and plan to check out all sorts of fun things over the next 2 weeks, before heading into August, when I've got a powerful healing experience scheduled for each weekend.

Finally

I would like to leave you all with this Self Love Rampage by Abraham-Hicks, the teacher that has most helped on my path, and who I just adore sharing with others! If you aren't familiar with Abraham yet, I highly recommend changing that. Here are some of my posts focusing on the work of Abraham & how it's affected my life: