Do You Contribute to Your Own Depression?

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Every year millions struggle with depression. Conservative data from the Center for Disease Control suggest that 19 % of adults are significantly depressed at times. I believe the figure actually underreports the problem. Of greater alarm is the estimate that depression costs Americans $83 billion each year in lost work productivity and medications. .

From my four decades of clinical practice, I am aware that certainly there is a biochemical component of depression for some people. For example, who would contest that postpartum depression afflicts many women? However, I have found that the majority of people diagnosed with some form of depression unintentionally often rob themselves of joy.

This isn't said to induce guilt or make sufferers feel shame. For many, depression is more psychological in origin. Often it is the way people approach life, their spirituality or lack thereof, their life strategy, and their self cognitions, all of which greatly effect their effective state. There is a connection between the psychological and physical, and sometimes isn't it difficult to discern the chicken from the egg?

A basic assumption of human behavior is that people pursue pleasure and seek to avoid pain. Then why is it that some people seem content to wallow in their misery, even boasting about it as some sort of badge of honor? Even when given steps to improve their lives, they prefer to continue complaining. Is there a certain comfortable familiarity with being dissatisfied that becomes an obstacle to change? After getting a glimpse of joy, why do some people immediately shift back to what doesn't work?

There are a number of possible explanations for this “addiction” to unhappiness:

Deep-rooted insecurity or lack of self-esteem may cause some people to feel undeserving of happiness.
People who grew up with a parenting style characterized by excessive discipline and unrealistic expectations may have learned to equate unhappiness with love and success.
Lifelong struggles with trauma or other negative experiences may fuel an unconscious desire to continually return to the status quo of unhappiness.
Some people who seem comfortable in their misery actually may be suffering from an underlying mental health disorder.
Some people pride themselves on realism, believing that being practical or realistic also means focusing on the negative.
Because of decisions or experiences in their past, some people are consumed by guilt or regret that they cannot overcome. Instead, they choose to punish themselves and/or others.
Some people are afraid to feel joy since positive feelings might be a “setup” for disappointment.
The prospect of happiness strikes fear of the unknown for those who have never felt anything but unhappiness.
Dissatisfaction becomes a motivator to work harder, change jobs, eat healthier, spend more time with friends and family, or prevent unwanted behaviors or situations.
Some people make it a personal mission to take on the world’s problems as their own. While noble in some respects, these individuals cannot allow themselves to feel happiness when, for example, people are starving or global warming is damaging the planet.
Then there’s the theory that people like negative feelings. A study by Eduardo Andrade and Joel Cohen, which evaluated why people enjoy horror movies, concluded that some viewers are happy to be unhappy. The researchers found that people experience both negative and positive emotions at the same time, meaning they not only enjoy the relief they feel when the threat is removed but also enjoy being scared. This same theory, they argued, may help explain why humans are drawn to extreme sports and other risky activities that elicit terror or disgust.

Characteristics of the Chronically Unhappy

How do you know if you’re one of these people who live in a perpetual state of unhappiness? People who are addicted to unhappiness tend to:

Find reasons to be miserable when life gets “too good.”
Prefer to play the victim role and blame others rather than take personal responsibility for their choices.
Compete with friends and colleagues to see who has it the hardest.
Have difficulty setting and achieving goals, or conversely achieve goals only to find that they can’t enjoy their success.
Struggle to bounce back when things don’t go their way.
Distract, escape or cope by using drugs, alcohol, sex, food, or other addictive or compulsive behaviors.
Stop taking care of their basic needs, such as a healthy diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep.
Feel enslaved to their emotions and powerless to change.
Feel dissatisfied even when life is going well.
Have dramatic, unfulfilling relationships.

Here are 6 main factors that contribute to depression:

1-We rob ourselves of joy and set ourselves up for depression when we are 1) Too critical. Isn't it a human condition if you don't think you are good at something, to want to quit? In order to have satisfying pastimes, we need to acquire constructive hobbies, hobbies that don't deliver aggravation. When people are too self-critical, they may not be able to get through the awkward acquisition stage of a new task or hobby. How often had you had that clumsy, "I'm not sure I can do this" time? Even trying to read the Bible or any new book can fall into this category. Without good ways to pass their time constructively, many set themselves up to be bored or turn to a form of self-medication, abusing drugs or alcohol or becoming shopaholics. Some become so obsessed when they experience success that the quality of their life suffers. Who hasn't witnessed a friend who just worked or exercised too much?

Too judgmental. Typically people are as self-critical as they are other-person–critical. We all have what I call an anger reservoir. When you are near threshold, it doesn't take much to go off. Some externalize their anger and act out aggressively. Others can internalize anger and become depressed. Those who try to overcontrol their anger, can generate psychogenic ailments like migraines, hypertension, or ulcers. Overcontrolling anger also can create pressure like water building behind a dam. If there is too much in the reservoir, as is currently occurring in California, the dam can burst. When the pressure is too high, the effort to hold it together can cause anxiety attacks. A person who is highly judgmental can slowly add to the reservoir.
Expectations are too high. Did you feel you always had to make an A ? Wasn't there less pressure when it was pass or fail? A person who doesn't have realistic standards doesn't ever feel successful. It is very similar to being too critical. The two often go hand and hand. It can be difficult deciding what are reasonable expectations. Often, many don't appreciate the effort it takes to do things but expect outstanding results. How many weeks do you need to get in shape? How long before a diet shows results? How much weight can you reasonably lose in six months?
We don’t have an attitude of gratitude, and are not appreciative of what’s around us. An old army saying is, "a good day is when they are not shooting at you." Indeed, a person who can't be at peace and appreciate the solace is setting him- or herself up to be at constant war. Doesn't worship involve being able to slow down and have an attitude of gratitude? Can you just appreciate the blessings around you? Hopefully you aren't in pain and are reasonably healthy. How much do you take for granted? Can you appreciate your journey along the proverbial trail, the process, and not just the end result?
We don’t look for solutions to problems. We all have issues and how people are able to resolve what confronts them is important. People hold grudges, which fill the anger reservoir, because there hasn't been resolution. But forgiveness by one usually is facilitated by repentance by the other. Repentance is an authentic behavior change. A heartfelt "I'm sorry and I won't do that gain." Of course, having insight, and admitting what you have to be repentant about, is paramount. We all have to differentiate what we do and do not have control over. Does anyone believe there is a solution to every problem ?
We are unforgiving. If we are unforgiving, we set ourselves up to constantly feed the anger reservoir. I believe that understanding a situation can lead to acceptance, which facilitates forgiveness. For example, if you were in a crowded elevator and someone hit you, you might become angry. You could say to yourself I don't deserve this, this isn't fair, who do they think they are? You turn around and see the perpetrator is sight-impaired. Your acceptance and forgiveness can increase.

Forgiveness can be strongly correlated to our ability to be humble. Isn't it honest but prideful to admit inwardly you may think " I'm mad at you because what you do wrong is different than what I do wrong!" A humble person could say "why am I mad at you when I make mistakes too." 'How often has your pridefullness contributed to your reservoir?

So, are you robbing yourself of joy?

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Is Happiness a Choice?

It is often said that “happiness is a choice.” But then why aren’t more people happy?

In my experience, happiness is complicated. Some people find happiness even in situations that would challenge the most optimistic person; some are unhappy despite having it all. For some, happiness is fleeting and depends on their present circumstances, whereas others seem to be generally happy or generally unhappy no matter what is happening in their lives. Then there’s the issue of how to define happiness — by outward success, inward satisfaction, or something else?

In many cases, it may be true that happiness is a choice. To some extent, we choose our own thoughts and reactions, which impact the way we feel, and can improve our happiness quotient by taking steps to change our thinking (e.g., keeping a gratitude journal, staying mindful of the present moment, accepting what is or developing healthier coping mechanisms). We can view our emotions as a signal that some aspect of life needs to change and take action to return to a better state of mind.

But for about 20 percent of American adults, mental health disorders such as depression or anxiety may mean that happiness is always just out of reach. They do not choose to be depressed or anxious; they do not know another way of being. While choosing to be happy, in these cases, is more complicated than making a choice to think positively, there is one important choice that can be made: the decision to get help, such as cognitive behavioral therapy.

The unfortunate reality is that most chronically unhappy people refuse to get help. Nearly half of those with mental illness never seek treatment. Whether it’s fear, comfort, lack of awareness or something else, we can’t be sure. What we do know is that unhappiness does not have to be terminal. With counseling and treatment, there is hope for happiness becoming the new norm.

the source for the article
-https://www.psychologytoday.com

-Dr David Sack M.D.