Couples have less sex than before. Some point to Netflix and the bingewatch phenomenon with an accusing finger. Justly?

Kenniscentrum Rutgers published a research report on Sexual Health in the Netherlands. More than 17,000 people aged between 18 and 80 completed a questionnaire on a wide range of sexuality-related themes. The conclusion is as follows: Couples enjoy sex, but they do far too little. Average only three times a month.

If we continue to do so, we will not even have sex in 2030

Scientists also reached a similar conclusion in the US2. According to David Spiegelhalter3, professor and statistician at the University of Cambridge, this downward trend is worrying. He warns that if we continue like this, we will not even have sex in 2030.

The opinions about whether we have enough or too little sex are divided, because who decides after all how much sex you should have within your relationship to speak of a satisfied sex life? In addition, there is fierce speculation about the causes of this downward trend. In the American study, researchers were unable to link this downward trend to the ever-increasing number of working hours or porn consumption. They did, however, consider that age was an important factor: people in their twenties have sex on average 80 times a year, whereas the average for people in their sixties is around 20 times. A similar difference in age was determined by Rutgers. Moreover, they found that people who are satisfied with their own body and people who often watched porn also reported more sex.

Less sex due to more entertainment?

It was striking that shortly after the research of Rutgers was published, both de Volkskrant4 and De Morgen5 headlined that we have less sex through Netflix. This is not reflected in Rutgers' research report. No search results for "Netflix", "television", or "entertainment". The report did not question the TV consumption of respondents, so they could not possibly investigate a link between Netflix (or entertainment) and the amount of sex.

Hanneke De Graaf explains in de Volkskrant that much more entertainment has come and that we have less direct attention for each other because we are bored less often. The researchers of the American study also suspect that the many options of entertainment and social communication (think of Netflix and social media) have an influence on our sex life. But for now, it remains with suspicions and assumptions, because a link has not yet been investigated.

Spiegelhalter also points to Netflix and the bingewatch phenomenon with an accusing finger. When you have to choose between the latest season of Game of Thrones or a romp with your partner, the choice is made quickly. He cites a number of studies6 to prove his point. A British study7 showed that couples often take their smartphone to the bedroom and one third even admitted to answer incoming calls during the sexual act.

It is striking that this study was sponsored by Durex, a firm that benefits from people giving each other a lot of attention between the sheets. Spiegelhalter also refers to an Italian study8 in which couples with a television set in the bedroom only had sex as much as half compared to couples without a television set in the bedroom. An interesting finding, but I can not find the scientific study to verify this.

However, a scientific study at KU Leuven9 shows that binge matches are associated with poorer sleep quality. For women, less sleep is linked to less sex and sexual excitement10. If you look at it that way, a surplus of Netflix can indeed result in less sex, but it still does not provide evidence for a direct effect.

Just ban Netflix from your relationship?

When one asserts on the one hand that you have less sex through Netflix, and at the same time assumes that sex is important for your relationship, then the conclusion is made quite quickly: Netflix is ​​bad for your relationship. But is that really so?

Within a relationship it is important to share experiences, because they provide more connection and intimacy between partners. Just think of having a common hobby, or sharing each other's deepest secrets. But also common friends and appreciating each other's family are important factors for satisfaction within a relationship.

Netflix can also have a positive influence on your relationship, as long as you look at a series together

Likewise, according to a study in 201611, consuming media together, such as films or books, is an important predictor of quality within a relationship. This turned out to be especially true for couples who had little or no common friends. When couples have few social connections, they tend to watch more television together, because they create a shared social world that in turn leads to more quality within the relationship. In other words, when you as a couple watch a series on Netflix together, you experience the ups and downs of the main characters together and this creates a lot of conversation within the relationship itself.

While looking, you feel similar emotions when the characters struggle with certain problems, but it can also ensure that certain themes that often recur in a series that you watch (eg depression, deception, separation, addiction) also become discussable themes within the relation. Moreover, the scientific study showed that couples with mutual friends and couples with fewer common friends but a lot of shared media consumption were the most satisfied with their relationship during the course of the study.

Do not immediately ban Netflix from your relationship because you are afraid it will affect your sex life. Netflix can have a positive influence on your relationship, as long as you look at a series together. But as the advice for many things applies: do it in moderation, because excess harms.