Lies My Mental Illness Tells Me

1. I don't even think they notice I'm gone. Do they even care? Probably not. Why would any of them care about me?

2. What does it matter? What does any of it matter? Why do I matter? .... I dont.

3. They are better than me... how could I pretend to be close to their shadow? I am nothing compared.

4. Whats so special about me anyhow? Theres nothing here to love..

5. PSA: everyone is a worthless piece of shit.

6. Looking for a new place to live.
   Must be cold, dark, and heavy.
   Like under a rock.

7. Hoping to be put in the friend zone so I don't destroy someone, but then not being satisfied and wanting to go for it even though I know I will destroy them.... #FeelingsAreDumb

8. Myself and relationships. #ThingsThatJustDontGoTogether

9. Humans are Scum

10. I was closing my eyes resting and I heard the rustle of paper in my room. I thought it was an axe murderer come to chop me to pieces but it was just my cat.

11. I hear screaming downstairs. Maybe the axeman visited them too..

12. It'll never work.

13. I'm so depressed... I know no one actually cares about me. They just avoid me. They tell me it's for me but really they are just selfish... they don't care. No One cares About me.

14. I just wanna curl up into a ball and die.

15. If I rip my heart out, do you think it will stop hurting?

16. Fine. Whatever. I don't care. Fuck you.

17. I am a pile of trash.

18. I'm a piece of shit. They are all better than me. I'm replaced. They don't care about me at all... Never did.

19. Why is my face so stupid?

20. I like to fool myself into thinking people might actually like me.

21. I would like one death, please.

22. Anyone know a tall building I can launch myself off of?

23. In a "curl up and die" kind of mood.

24. Even the internet knows I'm worthless.

25. I am undeserving.

26. I am fucking shit. Piece of shit. I don't deserve life.

27. I can't handle this fucking life.

28. I don't wanna be me anymore.

29. Oh look, futile emotions.

30. It's a bird.
    It's a plane.
    It's your friendly neighborhood anxiety attack.

31. There’s something wrong with me.

32. I ruin everything I touch.

33. I want to die today.

34. I want to put a bullet through my brain.

35. I must have done something wrong.

36. I'm a terrible person .

37. I'm completely unlovable.

38. I hate everything about myself.

39. I wish I would go away.

40. I'm a piece of shit.

41. Why do I even try to do anything ?

42. I want to die today.

43. I hate myself. I am a piece of shit.

44. The city produces more beauty than I could ever offer you.

45. Who would ever want to touch me anyway?

46. I'm disgusting.

47. I'm not worth any sacrafice.

48. I'm a terrible piece of shit and she doesn't love me anymore.

49. I am such a scab.

50. How am I even beautiful?

51. Dear me, please shut the fuck up. Love, also me.

P.S. You are not alone. The first 33 of these were all within 10 days of each other. I was in a deep depression with no end in sight. I got better, but first I got worse, though a story I will one day tell… But hiding your illness can really make you feel isolated and alone. I have found a way, sort of, to cope, which is getting the information and thoughts and voices out of my head. I created a depression and suicidal instagram and twitter (Hive account@darkandbleeding). I am thinking of making a KIK just to give out to people who are suicidal, just so there is someone to talk to without feeling like you are being judged, talked out of anything, or worrying or guilting anyone. Someone who GETS it, who has been there, or worse. Just let you guys know… you're not alone.

P.p.s. yes, the image is written in blood, and yes, it is mine. I create blood art, and will probably blog about it.