If you’ve ever had one of “those” days, you understand that particular temptation to unleash the play-by-play to your closest friends and loved ones. Car problems. Work problems. Family problems. Finance problems and so on. And, being the good friends that they are, they normally validate your feelings. And you’d think all this venting might actually help you feel a little happier, but it doesn’t. Instead, your brain releases a stress hormone that inhibits clear thinking. AND, it does the same thing to the listener since they are normally powerless to help. Not good.
What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.
-Maya Angelou
What To Do Instead (The happier approach):
Take a No-Complaint Challenge. You can easily raise awareness of how much you complain by putting a visual cue on your wrist. Switch it from one wrist to the other each time you catch yourself complaining.
Don’t focus on the problem, come up with a solution. If you catch yourself complaining, transition your thought to find a happy resolution to your issues.
Follow up with a “BUT.” If you have a grumpy thought in your head regarding your life situation, try to include something positive. For instance, I might say, “With the kids in the pool so much, I have double the laundry to do!” I could follow up with a “BUT, I’m glad they’re getting dirty playing outside and not sitting behind a TV all day.”
Say “I GET to” instead of “I HAVE to.” I feel like I have to do most things in my day and find myself stuck in this mindset from time to time. Instead of “I HAVE to do dishes again.” I can say “I GET to do dishes with running water!” (Since I lived briefly where we had no water on site, this does mean something special to me.)
Use the phrase “Enough about that.” It can be hard to stop complaining once you get going, but as soon as you recognize it, stop and change subjects to something more positive.
Sounds simple right?
This actually will make a big difference in your day, and if you can master it, it will set you up for success with secret #5. Hint: It has something to do with gratitude. Gratitude linked with happiness, who knew? ;)
In case you missed it
Simple Secrets to Happiness #1: You Can’t Do It All (PLUS a giveaway)
Simple Secrets to Happiness #2: You Can’t Will Yourself to Be Happier
Simple Secrets to Happiness #3: Build the Right Habits
