Its been a year since my wife passed unexpectedly, and I will not say it has been easy but I have got my way through.
Walking the dogs on the local beach and a good group of friends that have been there for me.
Now since Bev passed last May I have just got on with it I have a business to run, dogs to walk and a house to keep.
I have never felt any sadness as all my memories are good of our time together.
Over this last week, the strain of running a house on a single income has started to show, the first time in my life I got a bank charge for late payment.
Now, this had a really strange effect this payment was only 24 hours late but the following day, I was unable to work as I was so worried about the money coming in covering the money going out.
This is insane as it lasted 3 days of being unable to move of the sofa with worry.
Now I find two things wrong with this.
The first being what I earn covers my bills so if I went to work I would have the money I was worried about not having, and secondly this came on so fast even though I knew by walking out the door in the morning I had nothing to worry about the thought of it was terrifying.
Today I woke up and all is good in the world again I am even smiling about how stupid the situation was but on the other side of the coin, this has given me so much respect for those that suffer day to day.
What I know to be a ridiculous situation of not going to work and sitting on the sofa worrying about money when I had all the resources and tools I needed to solve the situation so easily.
For those 3 days my life was turned upside down for no reason other than a switch in my head had a meltdown and I felt my whole world was falling apart.
This has given me a whole new outlook on depression and mental illness as I now know what can look so minor to someone on the outside, can be a very dark place to be alone.
This is the first time in my life anything like this has ever happened to me and now being over that big 50 I hope It never happens again.
I will post a follow up to this in a week or so, as it will be interesting to see if this is the start of something or just a one-off gitch
BOB
