Almost everyday I was measuring my arm above my elbow with its circumference with my fingers just to check if I was gaining some weight because if I am being or getting fat I would see it visually, but no use. I am still as thin as a kite's vertebrae and I would probably be blown off with just a gust of slight breeze coming my way because of my physical state.
I am just lucky that I am not hyper-pigmented with regards to my skin's color because most patients develop a darker complexion and if that were the case and I am anemic I would really look like a zombie, a lion-faced zombie, what a horror look it would be. Maybe even my parents would get scared of me but thankfully I am as good-looking as Lion-O at the moment, without the body of course, that is a different case.
But sometimes I feel guilty when I eat because eating is not just eating for me, it has a side-effect. Foods we eat as a dialysis patient tends to make us feel sick, thirsty, and full if not nauseatingly ill. If I would eat heavy in the afternoon, I could never eat as heavy in the supper time so I could not get my needed calories but if I did I also feel sick after and guilty because later I would feel the after-effects of what I ate.
I am still looking for ways at least not to lose anymore weight if I cannot gain anymore. Meal replacement foods are just one of the things I do to make my health not to go downhill. But I still hold the reigns of my health but God will do to me as he pleases, I can only pray for a much better life ahead, may God grant me that.
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