My rib and hip joint pain combo is preventing me from going to the bathroom and at least clean myself up and it is just terrifying to do that with the type and gravity of pain like these. I do not deserve this kind of punishment and I feel worried because for one thing it is inconvenient also for my parents to assist me everytime.
There might come a time that I could not bathe myself anymore because I could not get up and I fear to be like the other patients that are only carried to and from the dialysis center. I do not wish to be like those patients and rather die than to be like totally invalid.
I wish God would take me anytime because I am throwing down the towel. I am actually like the first doctor told me that my condition is "end-stage" meaning that I will just curl down like a fetus and wait for my demise.
Do I have to fight still? I could fight but with things taken out from me how I can possibly? It has already been upped the ante against me that I could no longer take another step literally.